December 8th, 2012

December 8th, 2012

Honestly, I expected something wonderful happened today. But, since about a week a go, there was a sign that today would be an ordinary day. Too sad, I was desperate about that in a long period. Hehe. But I'm ok now :p

I should tell you how my day is going, so I wrote them:

and it ended up with CTRL A DEL. I even haven't finished it yet T__T

However, I awarded my self a 2-km-long-night-trip on Ring Road, with a speed almost 80 km/h, with a song of Mariah Carey, and sorry to say, without rain, and I was home at 10.45 pm :D

I'm very tired y'know. My routinity is quite fine. I just need an escape actually. But I hate a lonely trip nowadays. Poof. Lucky you who have friends to hang out with :)))

And ah, you! Not you T___T

How does it feel, to not have me in your life? Told ya.

November 8th, 2012

November 8th, 2012

One month to go to December 8th, 2012. What's on December 8th, 2012? Theoretically, nothing. But I'm waiting for that day. I have to have something that I wait for.

***
I started this day by entrapped in annoying conversation with my parents. 'twas too annoying until I don't even want to remember it even though I'm not sure I can forget it. Too annoying until I decided to go to my office 15 minutes earlier and wasted my time wandering around to some streets and paths wishing I would get lost somewhere. But I think, I was actually gifted a super powerful radar of Neptunus --to automatically find my office, not to find you or to be found by you. Not yet.

***
My homework. Hah.

***
And, oh, marriage! Haha. No, I don't have any plan to get married soon. But I swear, if my day comes, I won't ever show off the "private" things of marriage life, implicitly or explicitly to public. Isn't it too disgusting?

I think I've said that I don't have any plan to get married soon. Well, the fact is I don't want to get married just because I feel I have to do so due to my age or due to my circumstances, and I don't want to lose someone just because I think I'm not ready yet. So, am I ready or not? Don't ask me. Hehe. I can't believe that I'm talking about this, because it's one of topics I avoid in my daily life. It reminds me of how suck it is to lose hope. Not that easy though. And I can't believe that I clearly said there will be always a bright side of a dark session in life, in everything. Oxymoron. Me know. Sigh.

Anyway, I don't want to think about the contritions because I don't want to be ungrateful for something that beautifully taught me or be grateful for something wrong. I'm trying to let go, but I have to admit that I choose to forget than to let go but forgetting something that isn't written in a textbook would never be that easy.

And, hey, sometimes He shows me a beautiful way through some strangers. What can be more amazing when there was a time (two days ago exactly) I felt so desperate realising what He stated, then, pop! A beautiful word comes from a stranger whose life experienced almost like mine: "If you're trying hard, you'll meet someone who is trying hard too. Don't worry." It touches my heart until now. Not by the way she said it, but by the way He showed me. I'm not a good woman, but I'm trying to be. Theoretically.

Hey, I've told you that I'm not thinking about contritions. A past can't be changed. The sins I've made can't be undone. That is me who needs to change.

Poof!

I consider myself as a scientist. Not a pharmacist. Poof. A great scientist, majoring in the field of Advanced drug delivery systems.

So please don't ask me, what Viagra is. Or I'll give you carrageenan. Poof!

Skidamarink

I am thinking about my dreams. Now. Oh, yes, I have, Sir! There. They look like a collection of cotton in the pillow. They' are in the atmosphere now. Waiting for a meteor to come and hit. A meteor of what should I really need to do. Super quandary, I can tell. I had a chance, the perfect one. The dynamic of life, if I have the right to say, ruined them all.

But that chance never leaves me, because where there's a will there's a way, right? Not as perfect as before, but yes, I still have a chance, I guess. Sadly, the most painful consequence will absolutely follow. Should I let the chance go and wave goodbye to my dream to elude the endless pain?

I know, that's not the end. I can't believe I will say this although I do believe it: God has plans. Another chance will come like a parade of ants. I'm sure. The momentum, will never be the same, and.. I don't know. I should, again, trust that I'll get the best and stop trying, maybe?

Skidamarink a dink a dink. Skidamarink a doo.

Nonsense. Hah.


A brief update from me:

Yesterday, I had a date with my girlfriends.

Kinda miss a moment like that :))

And, oh! One of them will get married by the end of this year. Happy for you, dear!

How do you define infidelity?

How do you define infidelity?

Can saying 'I love you' to the opposite sex other than your partner define infidelity? Can saying 'good night' or 'good morning' to the opposite sex behind your partner define infidelity? Can having a heart-to-heart conversation with the opposite sex other than your partner define infidelity? Can imagining to have a family with the opposite sex other than your partner define infidelity? Can reminding the opposite sex other than your partner to eat much, to take a rest, to sleep well, to do prayers, or to do anything else, behind your partner define infidelity? Can buying a flower or CD game to the opposite sex other than your partner define infidelity? Can holding-hand with the opposite sex other than your partner define infidelity? Can having lunch together with the opposite sex other than your partner define infidelity? Can texting unserious things with the opposite sex other than your partner define infidelity?

If they can, how is your life now? Too many interesting things you can’t do just to prove that you have fidelity.

If they can’t, then, what is the appropriate term to use as a word that is explained by the explanation above?

Man-woman interactions, lead two hearts to be broken. A vulnerable innocent heart is betrayed by an unfaithfulness, by a treachery. Can marriage solve this problem? Is marriage a door to falsity? Or is a marriage a door to an eternal love?

Answer please.

Look at ourselves now. At the point of our fidelity. At the point our “Can we be trusted?”. At the point of how we easily violate the rules of God. Do they encode in our genes? Will they influence our human-human interaction later? In friendships, a relationship, or in a marriage?

A past, can’t be changed. The sins we’ve done, can’t be undone. Repent and forswear can’t guarantee anything. The human's heart is like a fluid. Life changes. People change. We change. In the end all we can do is to master the art of adjusting, because congeniality won’t last forever. Because people are unique. To master the art of adjusting requires an ability to understand the dynamic of people to change due to their life exposure, due to our existence. Acceptance is the key. And expectations are the murderer.

Tell me, please..
How do you define infidelity?

evanescence

Well, it's been a long time, isn't it?

Here's what happened. My title is longer than my name. Yes, I've got my master's degree and I've got my life back for a while, because now, my life is taken away. Again. But that's what we call life anyway. Coming back and forth. Roller coaster.

That is one of some good news I have for you, and the rests are quite pathetic. Like my life used to be. And the saddest one was evanescence. Don't be silly by asking me whether I'm sad or not, My Dear. I've claimed it as the saddest moment. But, then, it gives me a lot of time to meet chances to put myself in a long journey of thinking, with some absurdities here and there, and some demotivational senses. But, I'm going to explain you something. I have a wider brain, wide enough to tell you that I have quaint brain. I have larger eyes, large enough to tell you that I my brain is too small. Oh, shut up. I'll make it simple. I understand almost everything now, with some question marks in my head, here and there and everywhere. Hmm.. Here we go the oxymoron side of me. Just say, "Yes, Ma'am" to shut me up.

And, yes.. losing hope is the worst thing in a life. Mine. Yours. Theirs. Everybody's. Hopes, and expectation, are the best assassin. I disagree. I'm still alive now. Am I happy now? Well, since happiness is a choice, I should be able to choose between happy and unhappy. I know, if I want to be happy, be. And if I want to be unhappy, be. But, I have to admit that I can't choose between happy and unhappy, and it makes me feel so unhappy. Because life is a constellation of happiness and unhappiness. These two things aren't paralleled. They will meet in a point. Me, there. Unhappy because of losing hope, and happy because I still can do hoping. And in the end, I'm happy to be unhappy.

one thing for sure, it's a process.

hectic thing between my ribs

do you know that i have thousands things to share and to talk about while a cup of coffee for me and a cup of tea for you are served with a bowl full of chilli chips? about the funny movie, about how young i am, about the delayed visa, about the healthy state, about polygamy, about the jealously, about dahlan iskhan, about rowan atkinson, about the very unimportant things that i usually forget in a second like i used to do?

these hectic times, these hectic feelings, these hectic mind, these hectic thing between my ribs, these hectic ice box in my lungs.

a selfish ladybug

let's say..

i have a big strawberry ice cream in my lungs absorbing my oxygen and leaving me breathless.

i don't need a hug if no one can give me any. i just need an ear. it doesn't matter the left or the right. but when i think back again, i will only and always be a selfish ladybug for everyone, harmful for a serenity. then i choose to keep silent. even though i got an ear, i will absolutely beg for hug (':

relic of history

based on this fairy tale, i am on blogger since years a go. and my blogger account was active since August 2006.

since i have too many accounts which are driving me crazy lately, i want to separate all my accounts into private and social things. but google didn't allow me to change my yahoo login, so i moved my blog to my google account with gmail ):

that's ok. one thing that is not ok for me is:

hmmm.. i'm a new blogger T__T
pathetic, huh? it's super pathetic for someone who appreciates relic of history very much like me. my history of life.

i saw a chicken passed by

one day, i went to a warung soto, somewhere over the grey cloud. i ordered soto sapi, and he ordered soto ayam. but, unfortunately, soto ayam wasn't available. so we ordered two bowls of soto sapi. while i was eating, i saw a chicken passed by in front of us. geez.. how could they serve soto ayam if they let the chicken alive? yes, i understood why.

a short time later after the silly thought, the man who sat beside me said, "pantes soto ayam-nya nggak ada.."