(The Secret Life of the American Teenager)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
forget about being happy
the issue of control keeps coming up over and over again for you. you can't control life. you can only live your life. and you can live it in any way you want, in that you can choose your feelings about the people around you, and what's going on around you, so live it like that. give up trying to control it, and live it. live it to the fullest. life is good, whether you're happy or not. personally, i think the pursuit of happiness is just a waste of time, so forget about being happy. what is happiness anyway, other than being surrounded by people who love you? and you can't choose how they love you. you can only choose to feel the love. feel the love. this is a wonderful time in your life, if you choose to see it that way. and as far as all the mistakes go, is anything really a mistake? or are mistakes just lessons? everyone makes mistakes. life is a school, a learning process, and some lessons are more painful than others, but that's just how it is. that's just how it is, anne.
Friday, November 26, 2010
god will give us the best
another lovely simple day ^^
though i'm not really interested to the morning class at all, but the rest is such an another lovely day. a rendezvous with friends. a date. a visit to grandma's house.
love talk today is about how some people can make a steady state in the curve of their life. having a high dream is a must. but when there's no way to get there, just don't hide behind the fate from god and make no development in the quality of life. and believe, there's always a way.
do you know the quote that i hate for the most?
it is "god will give us the best". by believing that stupid quote i will consider that sitting here for typing and blabbering an unnecessary thing is the best thing god gave to me. oh, yes, it's good for me, because it can take my mind of from my tasks for a while. heheheee.. the fact is, i have a dream, and i can be there by leaving this stuff and starting to carve my dream in that stone with my bleeding fingers. yeah, bleeding is must. the best view is when we are climbing the hill, isn't it?
when there's no way to climb the hill you want to climb, maybe there's a shortcut to go to your hill by taking a way in another hill. but if not, it's really the best time to believe that stupid quote.
i don't know, there are some people around me who easily throw away a chance and make a steady state while waiting for another chance. and they hide behind that stupid quote. ah, you're just too lazy, maybe arrogant too! a little step is better than no step. recharge for the big step? nonsense. a big step only can be made after exercising a little step. baby crawls first.
and some of them are begging for a proper income *hey, get in a point* =D
rupiahs were spent to open the next door to the next phase of life. but what are you? =D you're a cleverer nobody until you're testified. do you ever think about giving an adverse consequence if you labeled yourself as testified but you're not? i classically think that we need to prove it, then we can beg for a higher income.
another love talk is about analyzing people. do you know how to improve your self? analyze the good side of people. every time you analyze the bad one, you will be in a lower level. why? because you will think that you are better. sigh, like me now. i'm implicitly seeing the bad side of some people. and then i feel very fine, but i forget something, these people are growing and getting bigger and bigger, unseen by me. and if i continue, one day i will be the only one who left in the lowest level without me even realize.
my world is not only about me, my dreams, and what i want to do. i have family, i have friends, and i have him. i have my own dreams, my family's dreams, and his dreams. and i want to do all that, but i can't unless i break the wall around me and see the true world.. *bang*
though i'm not really interested to the morning class at all, but the rest is such an another lovely day. a rendezvous with friends. a date. a visit to grandma's house.
love talk today is about how some people can make a steady state in the curve of their life. having a high dream is a must. but when there's no way to get there, just don't hide behind the fate from god and make no development in the quality of life. and believe, there's always a way.
do you know the quote that i hate for the most?
it is "god will give us the best". by believing that stupid quote i will consider that sitting here for typing and blabbering an unnecessary thing is the best thing god gave to me. oh, yes, it's good for me, because it can take my mind of from my tasks for a while. heheheee.. the fact is, i have a dream, and i can be there by leaving this stuff and starting to carve my dream in that stone with my bleeding fingers. yeah, bleeding is must. the best view is when we are climbing the hill, isn't it?
when there's no way to climb the hill you want to climb, maybe there's a shortcut to go to your hill by taking a way in another hill. but if not, it's really the best time to believe that stupid quote.
i don't know, there are some people around me who easily throw away a chance and make a steady state while waiting for another chance. and they hide behind that stupid quote. ah, you're just too lazy, maybe arrogant too! a little step is better than no step. recharge for the big step? nonsense. a big step only can be made after exercising a little step. baby crawls first.
and some of them are begging for a proper income *hey, get in a point* =D
rupiahs were spent to open the next door to the next phase of life. but what are you? =D you're a cleverer nobody until you're testified. do you ever think about giving an adverse consequence if you labeled yourself as testified but you're not? i classically think that we need to prove it, then we can beg for a higher income.
another love talk is about analyzing people. do you know how to improve your self? analyze the good side of people. every time you analyze the bad one, you will be in a lower level. why? because you will think that you are better. sigh, like me now. i'm implicitly seeing the bad side of some people. and then i feel very fine, but i forget something, these people are growing and getting bigger and bigger, unseen by me. and if i continue, one day i will be the only one who left in the lowest level without me even realize.
my world is not only about me, my dreams, and what i want to do. i have family, i have friends, and i have him. i have my own dreams, my family's dreams, and his dreams. and i want to do all that, but i can't unless i break the wall around me and see the true world.. *bang*
as long as i remember Allah asks us to try and the rests are on His hand. what is the matter? let me try and let Allah decide the result. case closed. chance never comes twice. how hard i try to reach those dreams, i will never get those if those dreams are not mine. and how hard you ask me stop to reach those dreams, i will get every thing if those are mine (verda, 2009)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
count the buttons in your t-shirt
if you want something, and suddenly the door opens for you. just get in! if you need more time to decide because actually it's not really that easy, sit and count the buttons in your t-shirt. be fast, because the time runs!
if you know someone else probably (just probably) wants that door too which is actually only for one person but they just don't know yet, what will you do? tell them about the open door to give a fair chance, or keep it just for you?
me? give a fair chance because i'm not sure i can do what i need to do behind the door. and you know what? it's stupid. and yes, fair chance was only an excuse to hide my stupidity. pathetic. yeyyy.. \^o^/
if you know someone else probably (just probably) wants that door too which is actually only for one person but they just don't know yet, what will you do? tell them about the open door to give a fair chance, or keep it just for you?
me? give a fair chance because i'm not sure i can do what i need to do behind the door. and you know what? it's stupid. and yes, fair chance was only an excuse to hide my stupidity. pathetic. yeyyy.. \^o^/
Saturday, November 20, 2010
a little home
gloomy weekend. gloomy saturday night. gloomy mind. gloomy feeling. spirit~less. think about yesterday. think about tomorrow. think about a little home. think about death. think about future. think about everything i've been through. with you. with everything i have. i don't know why i feel so sad. i'm just missing you. so much.
Friday, November 12, 2010
i'm not proud to be a pharmacist!
maybe it's only about my own-selfish-feeling. but yes, i'm not proud to be a pharmacist! especially the way i was a science and technology student ),:
as we know, that merapi hasn't been well yet. it's still cough and smoked. and it caused thousands people to leave their house to a saver place. miles away from their lovely house and our lovely merapi. and too bad, i was one of them. running away from merapi to the south, to save my life. well, our life (me and my family), about 12 or 13 hours after merapi had a scary eruption in the middle of the night with its rain of ash and sand, and sounds of rumbles. about 5 or 6 or 7 hours after i saw my village covered into white in the morning. the roofs, the asphalt of the road, the trees, the flowers, the cars, the indovision antenna, the floor of my balcony, everything, including the air. yes, the air was white, like fog, but the tighten one. what a scary morning that day. the ash came over and over again into my house. got no profit by sweeping the house. totally scary. then i packed all my certificates, my money, my laptop, my cellphone, some clothes, and some books. my family did. after dhuhur we left home. for your information, actually, the main reason why my family left was my cousin's wedding in november 6th and 7th. hehe.. but i still think, we should really leave. anyway, the first thing came in my mind was that i was going to absent in my morning class that day. but, fortunately, the head of my university decide to give 7 days off. thanks, god.
the first thing that disappointed me much about pharmacist is masker. all the people who live under the rain of ash need maskers. maskers are urgently required. and do you know that drug stores sell the masker in 3000 rupiahs or more, while k2*4 only in 1500?
and in the refuge, which was my grandma's house, we prepared my cousin's wedding.
in november 6th i visited maguwoharjo stadium to deliver milk for children. i didn't really recognize the situation there because of my own-un~describe~able-random-thought a.k.a lost the feeling. in november 7th i tried to contact a group of volunteer and join them. as a pharmacist somewhere in magelang street, still with my own-un~describe~able-random-thought (oh, when i write "my own-un~describe~able-random-thought" again, just ignore it, not important at all to understand, only a self-not for me).
my heroic action began in november 8th, 7 am. and the first bad thing i met was a meeting with arrogant health colleaguesss. yes, with triple s. you should see their face in interacting with us, and with the disaster victims. then i remembered one of my friend's complaint about our colleagues. she said that our colleague was very arrogant to her and refuse her advise about drug angrily. maybe i was generalizing because i did not see the real situation, i'm just imagining. but the imagination became wild after i trapped between those arrogant faces. and yes, i am lebay~ing. huhuhuhuuu..
okey, maybe i'm not smart enough to be an excellent pharmacist, i'm not really understand about disease and drugs. and maybe that's why i saw arrogant faces. because i know nothing. i don't know whose mistakes is this, why did i feel very angry every time i received a receipt, and every time i have to step up to that arrogant face every time i found problems in the receipt while those arrogant face were chatting and laughing with the other arrogant faces? is it my profession mistake which put me in a position like a "babu", serving the receipt, which i really know is easy to be done by those arrogant faces in a moment like this? i really lost about my position. so that must be my own mistake. yeah, i've said, it's my own mistake by misunderstanding my profession.
but, how about what they said? about what the arrogant face said to another arrogant faces?
"we have to be there, the drugs can be handled by the paramedics. it's not necessary to put pharmacist there, it can be nurse or the other paramedics.." what? imagine what i feel after almost a day i looked for a pharmacist to stand by there because there was only one bachelor of dentistry?
yeah, it's only drugs. forget about our authority in drugs. dentist is also a paramedic. they can handle it. they read mims too. and they are good. really. and i'm sure, the arrogant faces can do better.
argghhh..
and how about what they think?
"we're busy handling the patients, can you finished the patient recapitulation in this form?"
me? no way. and what they did next?
they asked the engineers. and guess what?
the engineers did not come in the next day.
but i'm sad, because my juniors like to do that job. and i was glad because two of them disappearing.
and about this:
"we can't give you a drug, unless you check up here." to a patient who had a sore throat and asked me to give him a drug. of course it's better to check up first before receiving drugs. but how about when the anamnesis give a negative value to cephalgia and fever, and when i asked what happened he told me that he only had a husky voice because he yelled to much as a logistic coordinator, and i have to give him paracetamol? and in our next discussion i know that he's afraid of suffering nephralgia. many times he asked me about the safety of the drugs to his kidney.
well, okeyyy..
it's really unwise complaining this thing in a moment of disaster like this. victims need us, the ones who still have a place to go home. maybe i'm just too busy with my own-un~describe~able-random-thought. and the fact that i haven't been an excellent pharmacist yet and i'm just generalizing the situation. not all of them are arrogant. trust me. maybe they are just too afraid to make mistake. or maybe actually they are not smart enough, they just try too hard to hide it. and actually, there are still many things to do by young pharmacists to create their existence: study. just remember that you are a life-long learner ^^ then shoot them. although i wasn't there because i'm a pharmacist, but because they need people to help them and they don't really need pharmacist, but i think about the victims' needs.
but really, if i can give a suggestion, erase the face of arrogance. it's not good to put a vicious face. and i really need something to open up my mind about my profession. sigh.
and, oh, my house is fine. i went home in the second day. but our bags are still in the living room.
as we know, that merapi hasn't been well yet. it's still cough and smoked. and it caused thousands people to leave their house to a saver place. miles away from their lovely house and our lovely merapi. and too bad, i was one of them. running away from merapi to the south, to save my life. well, our life (me and my family), about 12 or 13 hours after merapi had a scary eruption in the middle of the night with its rain of ash and sand, and sounds of rumbles. about 5 or 6 or 7 hours after i saw my village covered into white in the morning. the roofs, the asphalt of the road, the trees, the flowers, the cars, the indovision antenna, the floor of my balcony, everything, including the air. yes, the air was white, like fog, but the tighten one. what a scary morning that day. the ash came over and over again into my house. got no profit by sweeping the house. totally scary. then i packed all my certificates, my money, my laptop, my cellphone, some clothes, and some books. my family did. after dhuhur we left home. for your information, actually, the main reason why my family left was my cousin's wedding in november 6th and 7th. hehe.. but i still think, we should really leave. anyway, the first thing came in my mind was that i was going to absent in my morning class that day. but, fortunately, the head of my university decide to give 7 days off. thanks, god.
the first thing that disappointed me much about pharmacist is masker. all the people who live under the rain of ash need maskers. maskers are urgently required. and do you know that drug stores sell the masker in 3000 rupiahs or more, while k2*4 only in 1500?
and in the refuge, which was my grandma's house, we prepared my cousin's wedding.
in november 6th i visited maguwoharjo stadium to deliver milk for children. i didn't really recognize the situation there because of my own-un~describe~able-random-thought a.k.a lost the feeling. in november 7th i tried to contact a group of volunteer and join them. as a pharmacist somewhere in magelang street, still with my own-un~describe~able-random-thought (oh, when i write "my own-un~describe~able-random-thought" again, just ignore it, not important at all to understand, only a self-not for me).
my heroic action began in november 8th, 7 am. and the first bad thing i met was a meeting with arrogant health colleaguesss. yes, with triple s. you should see their face in interacting with us, and with the disaster victims. then i remembered one of my friend's complaint about our colleagues. she said that our colleague was very arrogant to her and refuse her advise about drug angrily. maybe i was generalizing because i did not see the real situation, i'm just imagining. but the imagination became wild after i trapped between those arrogant faces. and yes, i am lebay~ing. huhuhuhuuu..
okey, maybe i'm not smart enough to be an excellent pharmacist, i'm not really understand about disease and drugs. and maybe that's why i saw arrogant faces. because i know nothing. i don't know whose mistakes is this, why did i feel very angry every time i received a receipt, and every time i have to step up to that arrogant face every time i found problems in the receipt while those arrogant face were chatting and laughing with the other arrogant faces? is it my profession mistake which put me in a position like a "babu", serving the receipt, which i really know is easy to be done by those arrogant faces in a moment like this? i really lost about my position. so that must be my own mistake. yeah, i've said, it's my own mistake by misunderstanding my profession.
but, how about what they said? about what the arrogant face said to another arrogant faces?
"we have to be there, the drugs can be handled by the paramedics. it's not necessary to put pharmacist there, it can be nurse or the other paramedics.." what? imagine what i feel after almost a day i looked for a pharmacist to stand by there because there was only one bachelor of dentistry?
yeah, it's only drugs. forget about our authority in drugs. dentist is also a paramedic. they can handle it. they read mims too. and they are good. really. and i'm sure, the arrogant faces can do better.
argghhh..
and how about what they think?
"we're busy handling the patients, can you finished the patient recapitulation in this form?"
me? no way. and what they did next?
they asked the engineers. and guess what?
the engineers did not come in the next day.
but i'm sad, because my juniors like to do that job. and i was glad because two of them disappearing.
and about this:
"we can't give you a drug, unless you check up here." to a patient who had a sore throat and asked me to give him a drug. of course it's better to check up first before receiving drugs. but how about when the anamnesis give a negative value to cephalgia and fever, and when i asked what happened he told me that he only had a husky voice because he yelled to much as a logistic coordinator, and i have to give him paracetamol? and in our next discussion i know that he's afraid of suffering nephralgia. many times he asked me about the safety of the drugs to his kidney.
well, okeyyy..
it's really unwise complaining this thing in a moment of disaster like this. victims need us, the ones who still have a place to go home. maybe i'm just too busy with my own-un~describe~able-random-thought. and the fact that i haven't been an excellent pharmacist yet and i'm just generalizing the situation. not all of them are arrogant. trust me. maybe they are just too afraid to make mistake. or maybe actually they are not smart enough, they just try too hard to hide it. and actually, there are still many things to do by young pharmacists to create their existence: study. just remember that you are a life-long learner ^^ then shoot them. although i wasn't there because i'm a pharmacist, but because they need people to help them and they don't really need pharmacist, but i think about the victims' needs.
but really, if i can give a suggestion, erase the face of arrogance. it's not good to put a vicious face. and i really need something to open up my mind about my profession. sigh.
and, oh, my house is fine. i went home in the second day. but our bags are still in the living room.
how people think about us, depends on how we bring ourselves. but pretending you are the most superior? go to hell.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
forgetting
i've ever been in a very depressed mind, it was tiring. and i thought about my death just to make everybody guilty. but then, i thought, how if they died and i was the one who felt that total guiltiness instead because of how bad i was that day?
then i found being good everyday is possible and that's very nice..
although sometimes it's hard everytime i have to hide my anger, disappointment, cry, and all that bad feelings just to be good, but forgetting sometimes is a good way. not only forgiving.
then i found being good everyday is possible and that's very nice..
although sometimes it's hard everytime i have to hide my anger, disappointment, cry, and all that bad feelings just to be good, but forgetting sometimes is a good way. not only forgiving.
pikiran dangkal
oke, saya suka malam ini ^^
buku catetan, laptop, handphone & jazz.. almost perfect. cafein~less. dengan beberapa pikiran random di kepala saya.
hari ini saya tiba-tiba kangen dua sahabat saya, lebih sih, berencana untuk say hi how are you, tiba-tiba yang dua itu sms duluan ^^ yang pertama tanya takaran 1 sendok makan -___- yang kedua pamitan mau merantau ke jakarta T____T yang kemudian membuat saya berpikir, teman2 saya orang hebat. mereka sudah melangkah ke fase kehidupan selanjutnya, dengan pertimbangan-pertimbangan yang pastinya untuk kebaikan mereka & masa depan mereka.
saya jadi penasaran siapa ya yang masih kecer di jogja-ku? saya? hahaha, iya. tapi, alhamdulillah, meskipun useless apoteker, saya nggak nganggur. yah, walopun nggak bikin duit juga sih. belom, tapi secepatnya. dia? more useful than me-lah. tetep bisa mbayari saya makan. heheheee.. sekarang malah bisa nanduk. alhamdulillah..
kok jadi duit ya?
pikiran dangkal saya, untuk seumuran saya yang barusan lepas dari masa-masa sekolah, it shows independency. that's why i need to collect money soon ^^ siapa lagi ya yang masih di jogja? hmmmm.. kecer di jogja bukan berarti useless lho yaa.. di jogja juga ada duit kok.. ^^
well, pelajaran hari ini: jangan mengatai kendaraan orang lain sebagai sapi kalo tidak ingin kendaraan anda menjadi sapi juga. gara-gara kemaren saya nggak mau jadi korban kedekilan appa (motornya) & hari ini tertawa puas liat pameran mobil dekil di kedokteran yang beberapa diantaranya menunjukkan anomali dimana area yang terkena wiper justru lebih dekil dari area lainnya. tau-tau, motor saya yang kemaren habis dicuci sampai kinclong mendadak berubah menjadi sapi & dengan tragisnya, untuk kedua kalinya, appa jadi sapi.
pelajaran kedua: jelaskan dengan detail perbedaan sim card & memory card kepada orang tua anda supaya mereka tidak dengan lugunya memasukkan sim card ke memory card adapter.
buku catetan, laptop, handphone & jazz.. almost perfect. cafein~less. dengan beberapa pikiran random di kepala saya.
hari ini saya tiba-tiba kangen dua sahabat saya, lebih sih, berencana untuk say hi how are you, tiba-tiba yang dua itu sms duluan ^^ yang pertama tanya takaran 1 sendok makan -___- yang kedua pamitan mau merantau ke jakarta T____T yang kemudian membuat saya berpikir, teman2 saya orang hebat. mereka sudah melangkah ke fase kehidupan selanjutnya, dengan pertimbangan-pertimbangan yang pastinya untuk kebaikan mereka & masa depan mereka.
saya jadi penasaran siapa ya yang masih kecer di jogja-ku? saya? hahaha, iya. tapi, alhamdulillah, meskipun useless apoteker, saya nggak nganggur. yah, walopun nggak bikin duit juga sih. belom, tapi secepatnya. dia? more useful than me-lah. tetep bisa mbayari saya makan. heheheee.. sekarang malah bisa nanduk. alhamdulillah..
kok jadi duit ya?
pikiran dangkal saya, untuk seumuran saya yang barusan lepas dari masa-masa sekolah, it shows independency. that's why i need to collect money soon ^^ siapa lagi ya yang masih di jogja? hmmmm.. kecer di jogja bukan berarti useless lho yaa.. di jogja juga ada duit kok.. ^^
well, pelajaran hari ini: jangan mengatai kendaraan orang lain sebagai sapi kalo tidak ingin kendaraan anda menjadi sapi juga. gara-gara kemaren saya nggak mau jadi korban kedekilan appa (motornya) & hari ini tertawa puas liat pameran mobil dekil di kedokteran yang beberapa diantaranya menunjukkan anomali dimana area yang terkena wiper justru lebih dekil dari area lainnya. tau-tau, motor saya yang kemaren habis dicuci sampai kinclong mendadak berubah menjadi sapi & dengan tragisnya, untuk kedua kalinya, appa jadi sapi.
pelajaran kedua: jelaskan dengan detail perbedaan sim card & memory card kepada orang tua anda supaya mereka tidak dengan lugunya memasukkan sim card ke memory card adapter.
Monday, November 1, 2010
2 months 3 weeks and 6 days
yes!
it's november (: my lovely person said: monnovi ^^
i really should've made my eyes open wider and bigger more than ever. i really do to see every single little piece in my life.
begins with my parent's birthday. yup, my mother got the 20102010 qx and my father 5 days later. happy birthday to you all! love you sooo..
then, growing up..
i'm suck of that, i admit. hehehe.. but i'm not so suck that i can't see what's happening around me -____- one thing i got from things happened in my recent life is that existence is important. how people recognize us and how people see the positive things in us is important. but the more important thing is how we make our existence. really, it's not good to have a big mouth and talk every good things without any proofs. we don't need to say we can do it if the fact is we can not do it at all, just to make people see how cool we are. really, that's crap! T_T *self note* one good way that i've learnt is being reliable and responsible. if you've said yes, it might be a really yes to make people trust on you, not to make people depend on you so you can fool people.
and the second *another self note*
make our conflict be our own problems. it is really not necessary to tell about the confilct so people will see us as the victim. grow up!
speaking about victim, mount merapi errupted in october 26. and the ash became a rain and covered my lovely jogja into white -__- ouch. then people talking about the magic number, 26. c'mon, it's disaster and people talk about the spooky 26 and the date around 26 as a date of disaster? my birthday is 25, so i am another disaster? well, for some people, maybe i am. heheheheee..
yeah, whatever.
so, it has been 2 months 3 weeks and 6 days after august 5th and i am remain a useless apoteker T___T
it's november (: my lovely person said: monnovi ^^
i really should've made my eyes open wider and bigger more than ever. i really do to see every single little piece in my life.
begins with my parent's birthday. yup, my mother got the 20102010 qx and my father 5 days later. happy birthday to you all! love you sooo..
then, growing up..
i'm suck of that, i admit. hehehe.. but i'm not so suck that i can't see what's happening around me -____- one thing i got from things happened in my recent life is that existence is important. how people recognize us and how people see the positive things in us is important. but the more important thing is how we make our existence. really, it's not good to have a big mouth and talk every good things without any proofs. we don't need to say we can do it if the fact is we can not do it at all, just to make people see how cool we are. really, that's crap! T_T *self note* one good way that i've learnt is being reliable and responsible. if you've said yes, it might be a really yes to make people trust on you, not to make people depend on you so you can fool people.
and the second *another self note*
make our conflict be our own problems. it is really not necessary to tell about the confilct so people will see us as the victim. grow up!
speaking about victim, mount merapi errupted in october 26. and the ash became a rain and covered my lovely jogja into white -__- ouch. then people talking about the magic number, 26. c'mon, it's disaster and people talk about the spooky 26 and the date around 26 as a date of disaster? my birthday is 25, so i am another disaster? well, for some people, maybe i am. heheheheee..
yeah, whatever.
so, it has been 2 months 3 weeks and 6 days after august 5th and i am remain a useless apoteker T___T