Completely tired

I am tired.
I do not mind trying, but I am tired of finding some ways.
I am tired of having a bad luck.
I am tired.
I am tired of having a feeling like I am incapable of doing things I would like to do.
I am tired of trying to believe that I have a right to fight.
I am tired of facing the fact that what I love might harm me.

I am tired, God.
I am really tired.

Open the mailbox to find no new mail.
It is tiring to have my e-mails unresponded.
I am tired of putting in more effort than I received.
But I am tired more of the feeling I have when I stop giving an effort.
I am tired of not trying to change my life.
Yet, it still remains unchanged.

Guess I have not tried my best.

I do not mind trying everything, I just do not know what kind of "everything" I should do.

What should I do?

I really thought I was content
Counting sheep and staring at the ceiling

(Home - Nadia Fay)

Then I realise counting sheep and staring at the ceiling is not content.

My head will explode, so does this tiny thing inside my chest.

And I am at the point where I cannot tell any story, nor a fairy tale. I might discomfort all the people around me because of all that I can say are the same old stories. I even feel bored with my stories.

One thing for sure, after all, I feel grateful for the choices I have made:

1. Back home, since I am not sure I could handle this feeling when I was there alone.

2. Cancelled my enrollment to learn about unseen things, that will literally create an abundant explosion in my head.

Even though I have to deal with some other things that hurts my everything: the stranger, and the fact that I can not give up on my dreams while I do not know what should I do to make them come true.




note to self

_______________________________

Me, being selfish, irrational, and crazy.

Same picture, different story

If it is not correct, then why the miracle has not come yet?

Mood booster(s)

Currently, I really need mood boosters.

The last breath, not.

Well, I am tired of doing nothing, of being nothing. But the norm states otherwise, I should do this and that in order to achieve my personal achievement. If I do not do so, it would be only my egotistical purpose of life.

I will do something, just to make a proof, whether I deserve to be in that way or not. If it is not meant to be, at least I have tried.

OK!

I have got permission tho'.

Everything should be fine.

Finger-crossed.

Soon you will be at rest, Mitochondria!

Me and the social media back then

I miss the day when I don't have time to check Twitter, the day when I have my Facebook deactivated, the day when my Path was uninstalled.. and feel totally fine. I also miss the day when I only have Instagram for window shopping. I miss the day when I have to stay awake until the midnight passed to make a presentation. I miss the day when I feel so lazy to get up and take a bath and rush into a morning traffic jam and get home when the moon smiles.

If I have my days back, I swear to God​, ​I will embrace every sunrise and sunsets, the sun and the rain, the snow and the freezing wind, every beat of my heart, every migraine I suffer to think about my endless hectic life, and the hugs and the smile from people around me.

I'm suffocated.


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If I can have my days back, I will take some precious things I have now.