bapak didik gunawan

hari ini salah satu dosen ganteng di farmasi meninggal dunia. innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un. beliau sudah dikenal dengan berbagai macam penyakit. cerita tentang beliau bisa dibaca di sini.



salah satu yang menghubungkan saya dengan beliau adalah bu didik. bu didik ini dosen pembimbing akademik waktu S1 & profesi dulu, plus dosen pembimbing pkpa apotek.

saya kurang akrab dengan beliau berdua. cuma ketemu ibu waktu perlu tanda tangan pas krsan. apalagi sama bapak. frekuensi ketemu bapak di luar kegiatan kuliah bisa diitung pake jari. malah mungkin cuma sekali saya bicara sama bapak. waktu saya lagi nunggu ibu tapi ibu lama nggak keliatan, trus saya ke ruangan bapak & mendapati beliau baru asyik mainan laptopnya & sepertinya ada hal lucu yang buat bapak seneng waktu itu. seenggaknya, wajah bapak keliatan seneng. saya tanya, "pak, bu didik dimana ya?" beliau jawab, "bu didik baru ke solo.." tetep pake wajah senengnya itu.

lainnya cuma di fb, itu pun jarang banget nget nget. yang saya suka dari bapak, bapak selalu ngucapin selamat ultah, walopun mungkin untuk orang yang nggak bapak kenal, seperti saya ini..



& cuma ada satu obrolan kecil..



saya juga pernah satu kali telpon ibu, yang ngangkat bapak, katanya ibu baru mandi..

),:
terakhir kali liat bapak, bapak baru check up di GMC, masih pake wajah seneng itu.
nyesel, nggak pernah ngobrol panjang sama bapak.

gimana rasanya waktu pagi-pagi liat fb:



waktu discroll dibawahnya, setelah dua status lain, ada ini?



perhitungan saya pagi itu, selisih 2 jam.. ),:

selamat jalan, bapak.. ^^ semoga bahagia di sisi-Nya. amiiin..

a mincing matters

it's irritating when people talk in a code to share a secret in front of me. and that's more irritating if they talk about something that actually it's not a secret at all, they just want to feel superior and cool because they know about something more than me. then when i wondered and asked, they would answer in a mincing matters and played with my curiosity so i would did something like begging before they gave an answer. kayak memancing-mancing tapi dengan gaya sok jual mahal gitu dehhh. oh, that's very irritating. and that's never gonna happen to me anymore! if you want to tell me, just tell. if you not, just go away.

hey, what's wrong by sharing happiness, hopes, or something?

if it was a secret, then why were you talking in front of me? i will never be around you in 24 hours.

you can be nothing, someday..

hahhhh, rehat sejenak dari tugas seabrek yang bikin mata ini kayak mata panda, yang bikin otak berasa terbang di langit-langit kamar, yang bikin jantung deg-degan nggak karuan.. semua karena kurang tidur. karena manajemen waktu saya yang usaha perbaikannya hanya sebatas niat. hufff..

life is fair, as always..
when i ever talked about everything happened because a reason, it's still about that. but it's getting worse. it's torturing my heart. deeply. and it's haunting me.

i only can make these as a lesson for always being good. every time in my following days.. yeeeeyyy!! \^o^/

i only can tell that no body's perfect, don't act you're more perfect and doing something like intimidating because of your fake superiority. remember, you can be nothing, someday..

and i wish for a good day today. and i got it ^^ i was trapped in a complicated situation, and it was a hard decision. then i prayed, and He said yes! alhamdulillah..

from the day i born

whoaaaa..
it's such a super busy week. i'm lack of sleep. mid semester. it's still a long way to go.
*baru ngerjain satu paper*masih banyak paper lain yang menunggu*

well, i guess there's something wrong with my brain, literally. i used to forget something easily, just in a second. and i have to make notes which i'm not really into something like that. i used to have a secretary before. sigh..

this recent days, after merapi, the sultan~isme is being talked about. i do really love jogja, though i don't know who sultan is, but i love the way jogja lives and lightens up my life, from the day i born until today. i love the way jogja is special. and i sometimes get jealous if a tourist falls in love with jogja. i love the way i am a jogja~nesse, though i'm a half solo. i hate new comer who arrogantly drives a non-AB license plate~d vehicle. i used to miss quiet condong catur junction when i was an elementary school student, there were only 1-5 cars in the traffic jam. now? sigh. for me, they brought that life style. sorry, if i'm wrong, it's really only a non-scientific opinion. really.

my professor said as a quote of the day, "ngono ya ngono, ning aja ngono.." ^^

yeah, i'm still imperfect. but i'm trying to be, never end. one little mistake is forgivable i guess. if not, really, i can be tired >__< hate the way i always feel i'm not good enough to be. not only the way i am, but everthing of mine. seems like i only get the bad one.

and, oh, i've just got frustrated. i asked my sister to hear something. she can hear it, but i can't although in a highest volume so she complained me about the sounds:

You're Not 18 Anymore!

Although you can still hear quite a bit, you can't hear everything! Your ears now have even more limits! The highest frequency you can hear is: 15khz

Check your hearing, download the Silent Ringtones for free

sigh.

a little note about jogja in my thought:



JOGJA:
place where i first felt the fresh air of earth 19 years a go...
where my parents heard my cry for the very first time.
a beautiful place where i learnt how to say words, stand up, walk and run...
a place where i feel love from all the people around me, and some hatred i never know the reason.
a place where i almost spend my whole life with..

until several seconds a go, i did really want to spend my whole life in JOGJA.
but then i wonder: what kind of a life i will create?
everytime breathe the same air, drink the same water, meet the same people (i don't mean that i hate meeting those people, really, they are great!)
and the worst thing: struggle the same trouble, looking for the same place and the same people to cry on, and the same thing i got.
what? my life isn't too worthless kalo cuma dapet hal yang itu2 aja...

i really want to go to the place where i learnt how to ride bicycle, place where i first learnt how hard this life...how big this world, and how small i am.

rasa2nya emang sombong...kayak aku selalu bisa nyelesaiin masalah yang aku hadapi di sini, di JOGJA. kayak JOGJA sempit aja (emang! gerah!), kayak udah kenal semua orang di JOGJA...
Udah kayak sultan gitu deh, apa2 bisa...

tapi aku beneran bukan sombong, lhah wong aku bukan kayak yang udah disebutin diatas, aku belum&nggak akan bisa kenal semua orang di JOGJA, JOGJA toh masih terlalu luas untuk bisa kenal semua orang yang jumlahnya banyak2, aku nggak bisa ngapa2in di JOGJA kalo sendiri, aku nggak mungkin jadi sultan (jadi istrinya mungkin masih bisa, jadi pembantunya apalagi!).

aku cuma nggak pingin stuck di JOGJA.

rasa2nya makin sombong...kayak aku mampu banget keluar dari JOGJA, kayak nggak sadar kalo nihh anak manjanya selangit2 atap JOGJA.
tapi kalo nggak dicoba gimana bisa tau?

one thing: i just don't want to stuck in JOGJA anymore...
&kalo hari itu bener2 datang (amiin), i believe JOGJA&me are still a soulmate.
&seandainya aku emang nggak bisa kalo nggak di JOGJA, JOGJA will always there for me.
&kalo hari itu nggak akan pernah datang, i will mary JOGJA.

atau aku memang nggak jodoh dengan tempat itu, tapi jodoh sama tempat lain,
that's my life God planned for.

one more thing: i need to prepare my self to face that day!
salah satunya ujian mid yang udah terang2an ada didepan mata, tapi aku malah asik maen komputer *muka bloon*
dasar gebleg!

one other thing: berusaha dan berdoa terus...
praktikum dengan senang, bikin laporan dengan riang, kuliah dengan gembira, belajar dengan tekun
&maen dengan riang gembira.

one more other thing: never wrong to have a dream as high as the sky as long as we never afraid to open our wings if we are fall.
*muka senyum lebar penuh harapan*

and the most imporant thing: i have my own way God planned for me. all that i need is do my best and pray so bad...

well, it's all abot my dream.
-ver-

picture was taken from:
www.tasteofjogja.com

forget about being happy

the issue of control keeps coming up over and over again for you. you can't control life. you can only live your life. and you can live it in any way you want, in that you can choose your feelings about the people around you, and what's going on around you, so live it like that. give up trying to control it, and live it. live it to the fullest. life is good, whether you're happy or not. personally, i think the pursuit of happiness is just a waste of time, so forget about being happy. what is happiness anyway, other than being surrounded by people who love you? and you can't choose how they love you. you can only choose to feel the love. feel the love. this is a wonderful time in your life, if you choose to see it that way. and as far as all the mistakes go, is anything really a mistake? or are mistakes just lessons? everyone makes mistakes. life is a school, a learning process, and some lessons are more painful than others, but that's just how it is. that's just how it is, anne.

(The Secret Life of the American Teenager)

god will give us the best

another lovely simple day ^^

though i'm not really interested to the morning class at all, but the rest is such an another lovely day. a rendezvous with friends. a date. a visit to grandma's house.

love talk today is about how some people can make a steady state in the curve of their life. having a high dream is a must. but when there's no way to get there, just don't hide behind the fate from god and make no development in the quality of life. and believe, there's always a way.

do you know the quote that i hate for the most?
it is "god will give us the best". by believing that stupid quote i will consider that sitting here for typing and blabbering an unnecessary thing is the best thing god gave to me. oh, yes, it's good for me, because it can take my mind of from my tasks for a while. heheheee.. the fact is, i have a dream, and i can be there by leaving this stuff and starting to carve my dream in that stone with my bleeding fingers. yeah, bleeding is must. the best view is when we are climbing the hill, isn't it?

when there's no way to climb the hill you want to climb, maybe there's a shortcut to go to your hill by taking a way in another hill. but if not, it's really the best time to believe that stupid quote.

i don't know, there are some people around me who easily throw away a chance and make a steady state while waiting for another chance. and they hide behind that stupid quote. ah, you're just too lazy, maybe arrogant too! a little step is better than no step. recharge for the big step? nonsense. a big step only can be made after exercising a little step. baby crawls first.

and some of them are begging for a proper income *hey, get in a point* =D
rupiahs were spent to open the next door to the next phase of life. but what are you? =D you're a cleverer nobody until you're testified. do you ever think about giving an adverse consequence if you labeled yourself as testified but you're not? i classically think that we need to prove it, then we can beg for a higher income.


another love talk is about analyzing people. do you know how to improve your self? analyze the good side of people. every time you analyze the bad one, you will be in a lower level. why? because you will think that you are better. sigh, like me now. i'm implicitly seeing the bad side of some people. and then i feel very fine, but i forget something, these people are growing and getting bigger and bigger, unseen by me. and if i continue, one day i will be the only one who left in the lowest level without me even realize.


my world is not only about me, my dreams, and what i want to do. i have family, i have friends, and i have him. i have my own dreams, my family's dreams, and his dreams. and i want to do all that, but i can't unless i break the wall around me and see the true world.. *bang*

as long as i remember Allah asks us to try and the rests are on His hand. what is the matter? let me try and let Allah decide the result. case closed. chance never comes twice. how hard i try to reach those dreams, i will never get those if those dreams are not mine. and how hard you ask me stop to reach those dreams, i will get every thing if those are mine (verda, 2009)

count the buttons in your t-shirt

if you want something, and suddenly the door opens for you. just get in! if you need more time to decide because actually it's not really that easy, sit and count the buttons in your t-shirt. be fast, because the time runs!

if you know someone else probably (just probably) wants that door too which is actually only for one person but they just don't know yet, what will you do? tell them about the open door to give a fair chance, or keep it just for you?

me? give a fair chance because i'm not sure i can do what i need to do behind the door. and you know what? it's stupid. and yes, fair chance was only an excuse to hide my stupidity. pathetic. yeyyy.. \^o^/

a little home

gloomy weekend. gloomy saturday night. gloomy mind. gloomy feeling. spirit~less. think about yesterday. think about tomorrow. think about a little home. think about death. think about future. think about everything i've been through. with you. with everything i have. i don't know why i feel so sad. i'm just missing you. so much.

i'm not proud to be a pharmacist!

maybe it's only about my own-selfish-feeling. but yes, i'm not proud to be a pharmacist! especially the way i was a science and technology student ),:

as we know, that merapi hasn't been well yet. it's still cough and smoked. and it caused thousands people to leave their house to a saver place. miles away from their lovely house and our lovely merapi. and too bad, i was one of them. running away from merapi to the south, to save my life. well, our life (me and my family), about 12 or 13 hours after merapi had a scary eruption in the middle of the night with its rain of ash and sand, and sounds of rumbles. about 5 or 6 or 7 hours after i saw my village covered into white in the morning. the roofs, the asphalt of the road, the trees, the flowers, the cars, the indovision antenna, the floor of my balcony, everything, including the air. yes, the air was white, like fog, but the tighten one. what a scary morning that day. the ash came over and over again into my house. got no profit by sweeping the house. totally scary. then i packed all my certificates, my money, my laptop, my cellphone, some clothes, and some books. my family did. after dhuhur we left home. for your information, actually, the main reason why my family left was my cousin's wedding in november 6th and 7th. hehe.. but i still think, we should really leave. anyway, the first thing came in my mind was that i was going to absent in my morning class that day. but, fortunately, the head of my university decide to give 7 days off. thanks, god.



the first thing that disappointed me much about pharmacist is masker. all the people who live under the rain of ash need maskers. maskers are urgently required. and do you know that drug stores sell the masker in 3000 rupiahs or more, while k2*4 only in 1500?

and in the refuge, which was my grandma's house, we prepared my cousin's wedding.

in november 6th i visited maguwoharjo stadium to deliver milk for children. i didn't really recognize the situation there because of my own-un~describe~able-random-thought a.k.a lost the feeling. in november 7th i tried to contact a group of volunteer and join them. as a pharmacist somewhere in magelang street, still with my own-un~describe~able-random-thought (oh, when i write "my own-un~describe~able-random-thought" again, just ignore it, not important at all to understand, only a self-not for me).

my heroic action began in november 8th, 7 am. and the first bad thing i met was a meeting with arrogant health colleaguesss. yes, with triple s. you should see their face in interacting with us, and with the disaster victims. then i remembered one of my friend's complaint about our colleagues. she said that our colleague was very arrogant to her and refuse her advise about drug angrily. maybe i was generalizing because i did not see the real situation, i'm just imagining. but the imagination became wild after i trapped between those arrogant faces. and yes, i am lebay~ing. huhuhuhuuu..

okey, maybe i'm not smart enough to be an excellent pharmacist, i'm not really understand about disease and drugs. and maybe that's why i saw arrogant faces. because i know nothing. i don't know whose mistakes is this, why did i feel very angry every time i received a receipt, and every time i have to step up to that arrogant face every time i found problems in the receipt while those arrogant face were chatting and laughing with the other arrogant faces? is it my profession mistake which put me in a position like a "babu", serving the receipt, which i really know is easy to be done by those arrogant faces in a moment like this? i really lost about my position. so that must be my own mistake. yeah, i've said, it's my own mistake by misunderstanding my profession.

but, how about what they said? about what the arrogant face said to another arrogant faces?
"we have to be there, the drugs can be handled by the paramedics. it's not necessary to put pharmacist there, it can be nurse or the other paramedics.." what? imagine what i feel after almost a day i looked for a pharmacist to stand by there because there was only one bachelor of dentistry?

yeah, it's only drugs. forget about our authority in drugs. dentist is also a paramedic. they can handle it. they read mims too. and they are good. really. and i'm sure, the arrogant faces can do better.

argghhh..
and how about what they think?
"we're busy handling the patients, can you finished the patient recapitulation in this form?"
me? no way. and what they did next?
they asked the engineers. and guess what?
the engineers did not come in the next day.

but i'm sad, because my juniors like to do that job. and i was glad because two of them disappearing.

and about this:
"we can't give you a drug, unless you check up here." to a patient who had a sore throat and asked me to give him a drug. of course it's better to check up first before receiving drugs. but how about when the anamnesis give a negative value to cephalgia and fever, and when i asked what happened he told me that he only had a husky voice because he yelled to much as a logistic coordinator, and i have to give him paracetamol? and in our next discussion i know that he's afraid of suffering nephralgia. many times he asked me about the safety of the drugs to his kidney.

well, okeyyy..
it's really unwise complaining this thing in a moment of disaster like this. victims need us, the ones who still have a place to go home. maybe i'm just too busy with my own-un~describe~able-random-thought. and the fact that i haven't been an excellent pharmacist yet and i'm just generalizing the situation. not all of them are arrogant. trust me. maybe they are just too afraid to make mistake. or maybe actually they are not smart enough, they just try too hard to hide it. and actually, there are still many things to do by young pharmacists to create their existence: study. just remember that you are a life-long learner ^^ then shoot them. although i wasn't there because i'm a pharmacist, but because they need people to help them and they don't really need pharmacist, but i think about the victims' needs.

but really, if i can give a suggestion, erase the face of arrogance. it's not good to put a vicious face. and i really need something to open up my mind about my profession. sigh.

and, oh, my house is fine. i went home in the second day. but our bags are still in the living room.

how people think about us, depends on how we bring ourselves. but pretending you are the most superior? go to hell.

forgetting

i've ever been in a very depressed mind, it was tiring. and i thought about my death just to make everybody guilty. but then, i thought, how if they died and i was the one who felt that total guiltiness instead because of how bad i was that day?

then i found being good everyday is possible and that's very nice..

although sometimes it's hard everytime i have to hide my anger, disappointment, cry, and all that bad feelings just to be good, but forgetting sometimes is a good way. not only forgiving.

pikiran dangkal

oke, saya suka malam ini ^^
buku catetan, laptop, handphone & jazz.. almost perfect. cafein~less. dengan beberapa pikiran random di kepala saya.

hari ini saya tiba-tiba kangen dua sahabat saya, lebih sih, berencana untuk say hi how are you, tiba-tiba yang dua itu sms duluan ^^ yang pertama tanya takaran 1 sendok makan -___- yang kedua pamitan mau merantau ke jakarta T____T yang kemudian membuat saya berpikir, teman2 saya orang hebat. mereka sudah melangkah ke fase kehidupan selanjutnya, dengan pertimbangan-pertimbangan yang pastinya untuk kebaikan mereka & masa depan mereka.

saya jadi penasaran siapa ya yang masih kecer di jogja-ku? saya? hahaha, iya. tapi, alhamdulillah, meskipun useless apoteker, saya nggak nganggur. yah, walopun nggak bikin duit juga sih. belom, tapi secepatnya. dia? more useful than me-lah. tetep bisa mbayari saya makan. heheheee.. sekarang malah bisa nanduk. alhamdulillah..

kok jadi duit ya?
pikiran dangkal saya, untuk seumuran saya yang barusan lepas dari masa-masa sekolah, it shows independency. that's why i need to collect money soon ^^ siapa lagi ya yang masih di jogja? hmmmm.. kecer di jogja bukan berarti useless lho yaa.. di jogja juga ada duit kok.. ^^

well, pelajaran hari ini: jangan mengatai kendaraan orang lain sebagai sapi kalo tidak ingin kendaraan anda menjadi sapi juga. gara-gara kemaren saya nggak mau jadi korban kedekilan appa (motornya) & hari ini tertawa puas liat pameran mobil dekil di kedokteran yang beberapa diantaranya menunjukkan anomali dimana area yang terkena wiper justru lebih dekil dari area lainnya. tau-tau, motor saya yang kemaren habis dicuci sampai kinclong mendadak berubah menjadi sapi & dengan tragisnya, untuk kedua kalinya, appa jadi sapi.

pelajaran kedua: jelaskan dengan detail perbedaan sim card & memory card kepada orang tua anda supaya mereka tidak dengan lugunya memasukkan sim card ke memory card adapter.

2 months 3 weeks and 6 days

yes!
it's november (: my lovely person said: monnovi ^^

i really should've made my eyes open wider and bigger more than ever. i really do to see every single little piece in my life.

begins with my parent's birthday. yup, my mother got the 20102010 qx and my father 5 days later. happy birthday to you all! love you sooo..

then, growing up..
i'm suck of that, i admit. hehehe.. but i'm not so suck that i can't see what's happening around me -____- one thing i got from things happened in my recent life is that existence is important. how people recognize us and how people see the positive things in us is important. but the more important thing is how we make our existence. really, it's not good to have a big mouth and talk every good things without any proofs. we don't need to say we can do it if the fact is we can not do it at all, just to make people see how cool we are. really, that's crap! T_T *self note* one good way that i've learnt is being reliable and responsible. if you've said yes, it might be a really yes to make people trust on you, not to make people depend on you so you can fool people.

and the second *another self note*
make our conflict be our own problems. it is really not necessary to tell about the confilct so people will see us as the victim. grow up!

speaking about victim, mount merapi errupted in october 26. and the ash became a rain and covered my lovely jogja into white -__- ouch. then people talking about the magic number, 26. c'mon, it's disaster and people talk about the spooky 26 and the date around 26 as a date of disaster? my birthday is 25, so i am another disaster? well, for some people, maybe i am. heheheheee..

yeah, whatever.

so, it has been 2 months 3 weeks and 6 days after august 5th and i am remain a useless apoteker T___T

14. 2!

it was 25th in 11th?
seems like being there was planned. well, not planned, but intentional, coz normally, the 11th in 25th should be sank under the water. 14. 2! oh! i feel so stupid!

..and what am i doing now? another stupidity? probably. i just hate it. i really do.

masa-masa labil & lebay bombay alayalay

*menyemenye*

habis baca catatan hati seorang teman tentang sahabatnya. huff, aku pun jadi kangen kalian ),:

emang siih..
aku cuma mampu menjaga apa yang ada di otakku, itu pun cuma kadang-kadang aja dibuka, atau nggak sengaja kebuka. sangat kadang-kadang. bahkan beberapa diantaranya udah corrupt.

pertama kali aku masuk di kelas itu, takut seperti biasa. yayayayaaaa, aku selalu takut ketemu orang-orang baru.. tapi ajaibnya, disana nyaman, dengan diawali perkenalan yang nyebai pol. masa-masa labil & lebay bombay alayalay.. haha, maklum, remaja..

ga inget.
aku ga bisa inget detail setahun di kelas itu. mungkin cuma sederetan kursi & meja. temen sebangku yang ga selalu sama. guru-guru yang mungkin namanya ga semua masih aku inget *mengurungkan niat untuk ngabsen guru-guru* hehe.. kelas gelap di pojok bawah tangga. konon katanya serem, tapi alhamdulillah deket musholla. dan satu nama: alqaley. mungkin sederetan nama orang-orang di dalamnya. ah, enggak. nggak cuma sederatan. empat deret.

di kelas selanjutnya, mohonmaap, kalian begitu terlupakan T.T kecuali 8 orang absen pertama & 2 orang penyelundup.

& kopi panaz. entah singkatan dari apa.

rejeki si pengemis & pengamen

waktu kuliah dulu.. *gayaaaa, kayak sekarang nggak kuliah aja T__T maksudnya pas kuliah s1 itu tuu..* ada dosen ganteng yang terkenal karena prinsipnya tentang rejeki. sepenangkepanku, bapak dosen yang satu ini beranggapan kalo ada pengemis atau pengamen yang mendatangi beliau di perempatan bangjo waktu lampunya merah berarti sudah rejeki si pengemis & pengamen itu (karena bapak ganteng ini suka ngasih sedekah ^^ jadi tambah ganteng..), dan kalau lampunya pas hijau, berarti emang belom rejekinya mereka.. begitu kira-kira yang saya tangkap.

beberapa waktu lalu juga sempet denger cerita tentang seseorang yang selalu merasa tertantang setiap kali dihadapkan sama orang yang membutuhkan, terutama masalah finansial. menurut cerita, beliau ini nggak akan ragu untuk ngasih berapapun yang ada di kantongnya untuk orang yang memerlukan. yup, when i said "berapapun" it really means "berapapun" (berdasar pendengaranku).

masalah apa yang mereka dapet, itu urusan mereka dengan yang diatas lah yaaa..

aku pribadi sih, masih sering nggak ngasih ketimbang ngasih. oopss.. bukan pelit *hayaaaah* tapi kadang kondisi yang nggak memungkinkan *krikkrik* yang paling sering ya karena susah ngeluarin dompet T___T kecuali kalo pas lagi bawa mobil..

trus aku lebih gampang trenyuh kalo liat pengemis yang kakek-kakek ketimbang yang nenek-nenek. nggak begitu suka sama yang anak kecil dekil lusuh & rambutnya dicat.

aku lupa gimana situasi waktu itu, seingetku di perempatan itu ada pengemis (kakek-kakek kayaknya), sama ada penjual mainan bunga yang bisa geleng2 itu lo. karena waktu itu baru bawa mobil (posisi di kursi penumpang), si kakek-kakek itu aku kasih, plus komentar tentang si penjual bunga geleng-geleng, kalo nggak salah komentarku gini, (kurang lebih) "penjual kayak gitu dapet untungnya berapa ya? kayaknya jualannya nggak begitu laku.."

si supir tiba-tiba bilang kalo dia ada di situasi itu, dia nggak akan ngasih si kakek karena disitu ada si penjual bunga. "loh kenapa?" katanya, itu nggak adil, si penjual udah susah jualan, yang dapet duit malah yang minta-minta.

bersih-bersih

hari ini hari terakhir beres-beres buku s1 & profesi (: dari 6 rak plus 1 meja full, sekarang tinggal 1 rak penuh & 3 rak penuh kardus qx hahahaaa.. ukuran rak kan nggak semua sama ya? *bayangin sendiri aja* seenggaknya kamarku jadi lebih sedikit manusiawi daripada sebelumnya.. -___-

kerjaan selanjutnya: lemari baju.

acara bersih-bersih tadi pokoknya bener-bener membutakan hati dan pikiran biar nggak nahan-nahan barang usang penuh kenangan untuk disimpan -_____- barang nggak kepake: buang! barang yang mungkin masih lucu tapi aku baru inget kalo punya barang itu pas bersih-bersih tadi: buang!! yahh, kecuali beberapa barang tertentu, kayak surat waktu sekolah dasar. heheheee.. surat ngajak baikan setelah marahan berminggu-minggu. ya walopun ujung-ujungnya aku taruh di kardus tersendiri -____- ada foto-foto juga. jaman dulu belom kenal camera digital. trus ada bahan kuliahnya yang aku kopi di jaman kita sedikit berinteraksi >___<

yang penting sekarang udah beres semua & tinggal nunggu penghuni baru T___T

oh!
i'm doing a new project, again ^^
just wait and see..

ctrl A + del

ah..
yayayayaaaaa, tentu saja..
akhirnya saya tau kenapa saya sering trenyuh dan pilu liat blog saya akhir-akhir ini, serasa ada yang kurang kalo dibandingin dengan blog saya yang dulu. blog yang punya woro-woro di welcome note-nya seperti ini:

and please understand, it's still not a serious stuff. so don't destroy your eyes, your brain, even your heart to read this stupid stuff. you'll waste your time. and i'm so sorry because i'm too shallow and superficial and because i love using unsmooth coarse words. i suggested kid under 18 to leave this page immediately. and i'm also sorry if you can't find what you're looking for here. it's a scum of society.

saya dulu sangat "kasar" dan "tidak beretika", ditandai dengan gimana vulgarnya saya menceritakan hampir semua yang pingin saya ceritakan, mulai dari hal nggak penting sampai hal yang amat sangat nggak penting. dan seingat saya, saya enjoy aja tu, melihat sekeliling dan mencari inspirasi apa yang pengen saya tulis. bahkan untuk hal sekecil kutu tikus tanggal 16 april 2007:

Synchronization

I really need to synchronize my brain and my hand. Really..
Lately it's harder for me to understand what the teachers say when i only use my ears.. Moreover, sometimes didn't use my ears totally as my eyes sometimes can't work in team with my ears and my hand..
And it's getting harder and harder knowing i only have less than 24 hours a day.
Never mind. It's enough for blabbering.
Well, i still have nothing to blog. My first day after mid.

But i got something i need to remember:
Chloralhydras, camphora, chreosote (?), phenol, and salol are causing the incompactibility with oleum cacao: it will reduce the melt point of oleum cacao. therefore, i need to add Cera 4-6% from the weight of oleum cacao to increase the melt point.

-ver-

atau derita tanggal 30 maret 2007:

pathetic before mid

i don't care about the assignments pilling high, i don't care about the mid, even i don't care about SO. here i am, writing something worthless again, my deepest sorry coz i am pathetic. this is me anywayy.. ):

the traffic jam in my life is getting 'mbruwet-mbruwet-mbruwet' don't know how to call a police to rearrange the crowdness in my traffic. no police came. no body came. damn!

i can't leave this traffic. no police care. no body care. damn!

i'm tired of everything. i'm tired. i want to sleep. i want to forget everything. i want to shut down all the applications. shut down my mind. shut down my soul. shut down my heart. hibernate.

sorry for breaking my promise, but life is not particularily good. forget the promise! forget! let me blabbering about this life. should i cry? why should i cry? cry? i don't have tears anymore. dry.

hahh!!!!!

well, i'm trying not to be pathetic.

i'm pathetic in mind. i'm NOT pathetic in life. my laugh is pure, i even make every body laugh. my smile is pure, i even make someone smile. i'm pathetic in mind of loneliness. i'm not pathetic in life. i'm not pathetic. i'm not.

yes. i'm not pathetic. though it's too crazy for me by not preparing everything for my mid. it's all about time. it's all about the only 24 hours i have a day to do so many things. simply: LAPORAN EDAN!

24 hours: 20.83% for sleep. 16.67% for kuliah. 16.67% for practical work. 12.5% for refreshing. 33% THINKING. sisanya buat sisa2 kehidupan. good luck, patheticer! you've been losing so much time.

hweheheheee..
mungkin beberapa waktu ini kangen seperti itu lagi tapi entah kenapa otak saya jadi lebih tumpul dari sebelumnya. nggak bisa lagi berkata-kata seperti itu. apalagi yang seperti ini: (2 Juli 2007)

I just can't fly

Shi*t!
I need more inspiration to figure these fuc*king things out!

I'll never have enough time to see these things clear. Maybe i need to be somebody else, and let this worry washed away!

I shouldn’t be loved. my head shouldn't be cut off. my heart shouldn't be stopped beating!

i want to run, but my foot embedded in the earth. i'm jaded. what on earth should i do? i don't know. i don't. i want to fly, but....
i just can't fly.

Let me alone until I see a falling star in the black black black sky.


-ver-

dan ternyata jawabannya karena aku adalah apoteker ^^
udah pernah dapet mata kuliah etika dan perundan-undangan farmasi qx
dan mungkin itu yang bikin saya agak risih dengan sinetron-sinetron di facebook atau tweet-tweet acakadul di twitter tentang gimana merananya nasib mereka, nasib hubungan sama si pacar, nasib keluarga, dan yang paling bikin saya ngelus dada: nasib ranjang. duhhhh.. nggak lucu dong ah, kalo saya risih dengan kevulgaran orang-orang mengupdate status mereka dengan hal-hal seperti itu, eh di sisi laen saya melakukan hal yang sama. heheheheee.. oh, enggak, enggak ada yang ngelarang hal seperti itu, hak asasi merekalah yaaa ^^

dan dengan ini berarti saya harus belajar untuk melihat hal-hal dari sisi yang laen walopun sesungguhnya sisi yang dulu saya lihat adalah sisi yang menyenangkan buat saya q: heheheee.. karena saya toh emang nggak bakat nulis & bikin blog yang high quality seperti punya teman2 saya. bisanya ya ngeluh2 gitu. tapi ya bodo amat lah yaaa, saya dengan pemikiran & gaya saya, dan mereka dengan punya mereka sendiri \^o^/

if you like this, just stay.. if you don't, please leave ^^
karena, jelas, jejak2 saya yang dulu nggak selalu bisa dihilangkan..

tapi saya masih kangen yang seperti ini:

far from home

i imagine being somewhere else... far from home. leaving my bed. leaving my problems. meeting new people. cooking new spaghettis. licking new ice creams. baking new muffins. eating new chocolates. drinking new coffees. dancing new dances. singing new songs. watching new movies. reading new books. listening new music. hearing new whispers. lighting new candles. visiting new boutiques. buying new shoes. wearing new shirts. feeling new rain. driving new car. sailing new boat. going by new bus. learning to drive truck. learning to swim. learning to paint. playing in an opera. kissing someone. striding in new streets. laying down in a new bed. enjoying beaches. creating snowman. picking sun flowers. sitting under fallen tree. creating new chemistry reactions. producing new drugs. getting married. going honeymoon. making love. having children. happy life, far from here.

entah kenapa saya nggak pede lagi dan selalu pada akhirnya mencet ctrl A + del setelah menerawang jauh kedalam media menulis dan nggak menemukan apapun disana T___T

over the rainbow

apasih? apasih? apasih?

baru bingung mau ngapain sambil dengerin the way you look tonight-nya michael buble. glamour as usual. kurang kursi & meja kayu, secangkir kopi & buku entah apa, atau mungkin seorang temen ngobrol. sebuah tempat yang sampai saat ini cuma bisa aku datengin di pikiranku.

si apoteker gadungan ini bener-bener menikmati masa lajangnya selepas kuliah T__T berkutat dengan lamunan di rumah & baru sadar kalo rambutku nggak seburuk biasanya kalo dibiarin terurai & nggak diiket q: dua hari ini aku sama sekali nggak menghirup udara segar di luar rumah & menikmati matahari, at home all dayyyy sampe punggung kerasa kaku.

saking nikmatnya menikmati masa lajang (yaya, saya masih lajang kan ya?) kemaren iseng ngerayain tweet keseribu. heheheee.. emang kurang kerjaan
eh, hari ini jadi baby sitter ding.. -____-

oia, si apoteker gadungan ini udah jadi mahasiswi s2 loh akhirnya, daripada pusing & deg2an kayak waktu di bandung itu, rasanya mending di jogja dulu aja dehh ^^ i love jogja more than everything.. yaya, walaupun setelah membongkar kuburan yang telah lama terkubur *apasih?* sepertinya hasratku meninggalkan jogja muncul lagi. hehehee.. bedanya, kalo dulu cuma sekedar keinginan, sekarang harus dengan perencanaan. kalo diliat dari tabiatnya verda yang dudul itu sie, rencana itu baru akan direncanakan -___- to go somewhere over the rainbow (:

at least i find my destination. i just need to think how to get there ^^
tapi kapan ya mikirnya? -____- takut. yeahhh, aku takut. ketakutan biasa, afraid of something invisible.

& sepertinya aku selalu jadi setan untuk diriku sendiri (kenapa aku nggak dikurung ya di ramadhan ini?), pikiranku selalu mudah tergoda untuk hal-hal lain ketimbang mikirin somewhere over the rainbow itu. entah karena cerita temen2 yang mengadu nasib di kota seberang, negeri orang, sampai pernikahan temen deketku waktu smp. sepertinya hal-hal itu lebih nyenengin untuk dipikirin. hehehe.. tapi untunglah, besok ada ospek s2, mudah2an bisa mulai mengarahkan otakku untuk mulai berpikir prioritas -____-

& pikiranku ini bener2 gampang diinsepsi. paling parah kalo diinsepsi pikiran2 buruk yang datangnya dari twitter -____- malah beberapa saat lalu sempet unfollow temen yang pikirannya nggrundel terus nggak jelas bikin jengah kalo baca & sepertinya ada niat untuk unfollow satu orang lagi. uhhh, kenapa saya sombong sekali???? tapi itu hak kan ya? -___- dilema. kalo nggak suka, saya juga boleh di-unfollow kok..

nyontek T_T

sekalinya update, isinya nyontek. bodo ahhhh..

hidup adalah rangkaian proses belajar. belajar bersyukur meski tidak cukup. belajar ikhlas meski tidak rela. belajar taat meski berat. belajar memahami meski tak sehati. belajar bersabar meski terbebani. belajar setia meski tergoda. belajar dan terus belajar dengan keyakinan setegar karang. Tapi sudah kodrat, hati seperti air laut bergelombang, pasang surut, dan sering terbawa arus. maka dari itulah kita tetap harus terus belajar,untuk tetap berada di jalan yg benar. (Fatma Syafrina via fb)

\^o^/

sumpahan apoteker

okeyyyyyy..



proudly present again:
Verda, S.Farm., Apt.

5 Agustus 2010

hweheheheheee..
selamat untuk sejawat apoteker baru yang dilantik hari ini ^^
good luck!

done

hari ini dimulai dengan pagi yang menyebalkan. nggak bangun saur. nggak nonton tsubasa. telat open recruitment. semua gara-gara begadang semalem finishing touch si project baru. tapi ternyata open recruitmentnya jadinya jam 9. yah, setidaknya ada satu rencana yang kelakon hari ini. selain yudisium.

ikut open recruitment untuk untung-untungan. belajar psikotes. belajar gambar orang & pohon. belajar itung-itungan. kalo bisa, sampe belajar diwawancara. tapi mungkin hari ini gambarku terlalu jelek.

yang penting hari ini: yudisium.
alhamdulillah, i can proudly present again:

verda, s.farm., apt

waktu buka fb, banyak temen yang pamer gelar barunya. ikut seneng ^^
plus gelisah, karena akhirnya aku sampai ke pintu keluar. ufff, harus kemana setelah ini?

*kenapa baru dipikirin sekarang?


btw, i feel like a fool these recent dayssss ),x

i was a devil

it's really true, every things happened because there were reasons. and it's fair. always fair. just be good for now, verda..

udah berapa kali ya aku ngomong begini?

entahlah..
aku sedang terpukul. halahhhh.. qx

verda emang dudul. nggak anggun. nggak pinter. nggak telaten. i have black sides behind my rainbow sides. and so do all the people around me. black sides. black thoughts. black heart. black and dark.

i am.
physically imperfect really doesn't mean anything. but being imperfect in attitude has great consequences. and too bad, it's always fair. subhanallah..

beneran deh..
belum pernah merasa hidup seadil ini T_T

i was a devil before, maybe i am now. and i am destroyed.

pekerjaan alternatif

beberapa minggu lagi untuk jadi apoteker, insya allah. temen-temen udah pada sibuk cari kerja, malah ada beberapa yang udah dapet kerjaan. ada juga yang mau lanjutin S2..

aku?
as usual: bingung.

udah daftar S2, tapi masih belom yakin. mau lamar kerja kok ya nggak pede sama kemampuan akademikku. nggak tau juga mau kerja jadi apa & dimana..

apoteker.
huff, mau aku apain sie kamu?

okelah, mari berandai-andai tentang kepahitan hidup kalo misalnya aku nggak diterima kerja di dunia kefarmasian, heheheee, naudzubillah. sejauh ini baru dapet dua pekerjaan alternatif untuk nantinya..

melihat kemampuan yang aku punya, yang terbersit pertama kali adalah jadi supir. awalnya pingin jadi supir pribadi suami, tapi dipikir-pikir itu nggak nambah pemasukan. ya masak digaji suami sendiri? -___- jadi aku putuskan untuk jadi supir taxi aja. mungkin kalo ada kesempatan mau belajar jadi masinis.

yang kedua mungkin jadi tukang pijet. sudah banyak yang mengakui kehebatan pijetanku. mulai dari ibu, eyang, budhe & beberapa temen. tapi jelas bukan tukang pijet panggilan. emang gue cewek apaan?? maunya jadi tukang pijet di salon khusus cewek aja.

but, yes, life is fair.
it's really true, every things happened because there were reasons. and it's fair. just be good. for now, verda..

contemplations

mari mulai berkontemplasi..

#1
..masih nggak memahami kenapa ada tuntut menuntut T_T meskipun saya termasuk subjek dan objek, tetep nggak ngerti kenapa ada subjek dan objek lain di luar sana & nyebelin ya? qx
mungkinkah saya semenyebalkan itu? *think*think*think*

#2
kejujuran itu rumit. dia nggak selalu berbuah manis & kadang malah membuat sakit hati. sesakit hatiku beberapa waktu lalu. uff, basane, dhuwur! entah sudah ada beberapa hati yang kusakiti karena ketidakjujuranku T_T maaf yah orang-orang disekitarku.

#3
pernah ada waktu disela-sela ujian kemaren, pikiranku juthek setengah mati. kayak ada bom yang mau meledak tapi harus ditahan karena kalo meledak bisa berabe jadinya. dan ternyata tim gegana yang berhasil menjinakkan bom itu tim jerman vs inggris plus drama-drama yang ada di panggung itu.. qx

#4
di ujian keempat interaksi obat kemaren tiba-tiba aku deg-degan & tiba-tiba pingin banget menikmati setiap coretan yang aku buat di kertas ujian itu. mungkin terharu. hari itu mungkin hari terakhir aku ujian di kampus farmasi universitas gadjah mada. tiba-tiba aku kangen. kangen pingin ngulang semua. kangen kuliah. kangen praktikum. kangen bikin laporan. kangen pretest-postest. kangen belajar bareng. berencana untuk menikmati perasaan itu lagi di ujian komunikasi & konseling, tapi ternyata soalnya yang ajaib bikin aku lupa rencana itu T_T emang masih ada ujian kompre, tapi entahlah, rasanya ujian kompre itu nggak sama kayak ujian-ujian sebelumnya. penentuan hidup dan mati.

#5
walopun di depanku ada seribu macam alkohol dengan berbagai merk & usia, aku nggak akan tergoda. nggak akan mempan. dan alkohol-alkohol itu nggak akan pernah ada di depanku untuk nggodain aku. seperti aku nggak tergoda untuk ngicipin calmlet & riklona yang jelas-jelas ada di genggaman tanganku. karena aku akan selalu menghadapi hal-hal yang akan mampu menggodaku.

#6
nelson mandela di penjara karena memperjuangkan hak-hak orang kulit hitam. aku? akan diam dan mengikuti aturan biar nggak dipenjara. real jail.

#7
facebook-ku nggak bisa dibuka, your account is temporarily unavailable katanya. bodo amat, aku bilang. aku jenuh dengan segala intrik di dalamnya, capek dengan luapan perasaan yang kadang nggak jelas harus diapain, meskipun pasti akan sangat rindu sinetron-sinetronnya. haha, betul, aku nggak harus nonton tv untuk liat sinetron. dadah sementara waktu ya, pesbuk. miss me not!


sekian kontemplasi hari ini.

kebayaku sendiri

kadang, aku suka kalo ketiduran. bisa tidur tanpa gosok gigi, tidur dengan pintu kamar terbuka, tidur tanpa selimut & tidur tanpa ribuan hal untuk dipikirkan..

kadang juga sebel kalo ketiduran di saat seharusnya aku nggak tidur. narcolepsy.

huff, jadi inget kegagalanku hari ini. yang lagi-lagi karena kebodohanku sendiri. ah, lupakan.. lupakan.. T.T Allah masih begitu baiknya, masih ada sisa waktu yang bisa aku pake untuk benerin yang tersisa. tapi yaa, verda ki ncen dudul kok, masih sempet-sempetnya maen rollercoaster di taman pikiran yang mbruwet dengan sejuta pertanyaan nggantung yang dibiarkan nggak terjawab. hehe, mungkin terlalu capek menjawab di kertas ujian calon apoteker. capek mengurai benang kusut soal ujian, mengulur & mencoba menjahitnya menjadi baju kebaya sumpahan yang layak pakai.

tapi sayang sekali, aku bukan penjahit. aku nggak bisa mengukur badan pake meteran, menggambar detail desain, memotong kain, menjahit, mengobras, menjahit menjahit menjahit dan seterusnya sampai jadi baju kebaya lengkap dengan jariknya.

aku ini kayak kutu loncat. loncat-loncat dari satu pikiran ke pikiran lain. dari benang satu ke benang lainnya. benang bundet.

T.T
rasanya pingin banget bisa menguraikan semuanya dengan runtun, beralasan & bisa dipertanggungjawabkan. menguraikan apa yang ingin aku urai. membuat kebayaku sendiri. buka konveksi.

ribuan kali

if only you follow the development if this blog address qx
blog ini sudah berganti alamat ribuan kali.

too high

how does it feel when you've dressed up beautifully but then all your schedules are ruined? and when you're realising your clothes because you have to stay at home, alone? with nothing to eat and nothing interesting played on TV?

i blame my own self for that. coz once again i am wishing to high.

aku tidak ingin

mengingat bahwa kematian adalah satu-satunya alasan mutlak yang dapat memisahkan aku dan kamu, aku tidak ingin mencintaimu lebih dari ini, seperti aku tidak ingin kamu mencintaiku lebih dari yang telah kamu berikan.

selamat jalan, tante.. (,:
yang tegar, om..
jadi anak yang hebat ya, hafid & ucup.. ^^ (19 Juni 2010)

because i am now ^^

i'm trying not to care about what people did that hurt me so. they didn't mean to and it's really ok if sometimes i feel so hurt with something that people do or say, because i make mistakes too..

yahhh, i give my best, and it's really not cool if i ask the best back since maybe they give better than me -___- and maybe for them i'm not good enough.

but i won't asking to much since i have nothing to return. to God and to people around me. and i will happy with that, because i am now ^^

wuihhhh..
ternyata dunia masih serumit biasanya. tapi kalo begini rasanya nggak perlu bahu siapa pun. i stand on my own foot q: i don't need to expect too high, because i'm not as high as i was expected to be. dan orang bilang, orang yang paling sering kecewa adalah orang yang paling banyak meminta, aku udah nggak banyak meminta dan aku sedikit kecewa.

eh, ambigu ya? hehe..

sate kambing

saya sedang mencari kambing untuk dihitamkan karena suasana hati yang tidak karuan ini yang kalau ditanya kenapa, pasti jawabannya tidak tahu.. haha..

saya hanya merasa frustrasi ketika menyadari kenapa saya begitu susahnya dipahami. terutama oleh diri saya sendiri. saya membutuhkan kambing..

*menghela nafas*

bukan,
bukannya saya tidak melihat kambing itu. dia sedang berbaring di tempat tidur dimana saya sedang berbaring tanpa daya di atasnya..

saya cuma pengen ketemu Edward Cullen supaya dia bisa mendeskripsikan apa yang saya rasakan.

monolog

pernahkah kamu berpikir kalau mengenalnya adalah cara-Nya mempermudah hidupmu? melalui cara pikirnya, kata-katanya, aktivitasnya, buku yang dia baca, kaset yang dia putar, teman yang dia punya..

seperti halnya ketika kamu berpikir bahwa orang yang menabrakmu hingga bukumu jatuh dan membuat sepersekian detik di hidupmu terambil untuk mengambil buku itu adalah cara-Nya menjagamu dari tabrakan maut di ujung jalan sana..

(last year monolog, in the most empty heart)

contemplation in a gloomy midnight

yes, of course..
you can not force other people to feel things they do not feel.

it's really true.

behind a question

my sister made a handmade!
100 % from her own hand. and i was coming home from my outdoor activities when she opened the door for me and said, "mbak ver, liat!"

typical (:

i admit, i'm not a good sister for her, coz i sometimes really busy in my own world. plus, i was very tired that day. my activity as an apprentice in a pharmacy, waiting in a long list for a loss report, and shopping (there will be always a time for this, hehe..). but i did the right thing that day. fiuh. i appreciate her. hehe..

coz when a devil overwhelmed me that time, i would only walk through her without even saw what she wanted to show. yup! i am a bad sister sometimes. and if someday her creativity is killed, it must be me who made it ):

well, of course it's not about what she made. i don't even know for what her teacher asked her to make that thing. and of course it's not about her handwriting, or how she cut the paper, it's not about the result. it's about how she did it.

i remember when i woke up in the morning, i saw her working with papers and scissors in front of the television. i also remember how she often get frustrated every time she did things that need her to be very accurate, that always made her mother asked her sisters and brother (including me) to finish her homework while she got mad somewhere. urgh.

but not that time (:

i know, appreciation is urgently needed for a children and their imperfect-ness in doing some work. yup, to shape perfect things in their following moments. especially in their growth phase. and what actually they need is to be heard and questions, so they can be helped to tell the whole story they want to share if they can't find a way..

and as the time goes by, i realize, it's not for children only. i'm sure, we always do something new everyday though it's not great like discovering drug for every disease, though it's only a small thing like not making trouble in a first day in the office..

bad or good. deep inside you want to share.

hufff..
i don't know how..


update:
click to see the postscript about the most stupid thing i meet today.

it has been almost 23 years

minutes to be 23 (x

no, i'm not doing an audit for my life qx
i never made a target, so i didn't know what i have reached -___-
i flow with the wind. hehehee..
using parachute of course, so i can control where i want to fly. though, it always happened to be uncontroled.

yup. 23.
like my last birthdays, nothing i wish for my birthday. moreover, he's home (:

little rascals

several days to go to be 23. weeeew..

my 23th birthday (x
tuaaa..

haha..
i always wish that i was a workaholic and forgot my birthday then a surprise party waited for me somewhere.. but, too bad, i always remember it and automatically count down to that day after hearing this song, "ibu kita kartinii.. puuutri sejatiii.. puuutri indonesiaa.. haaarum namanyaaaa.." and feeling the euphoria about kartini's day q:

well, since i was born, as long as i remember, i only have one beautiful birthday. my 16th (x

i don't remember what was happened in the morning. but when i was taking a nap at home after school, the telephone in my house rang, someone picked it up, then called me and woke me up. someone on the phone said, "da, kalau dalam waktu 1 menit kamu tidak menyiapkan makanan, rumahmu akan kami bom.."

(x
handphone was still an expensive gadget that time.. q:

btw, of course i couldn't prepare anything for those little rascals, then one by one, maybe two by two, or more, that rascals came.

no gift. no cake. no candle. just friends. nothing i wished for more (: but then, a little cake with one candle came.. (,x

little surprise.

no one ignored me that day at school. no one seemed like hiding something from me. perfect surprise.

count down

well, seminggu ini nggak tau aku ngapain aja. nggak jelas. protokol.. protokol.. jauh banget dari dunia yang kugeluti 4,5 tahun kemaren. jadi ahli mesin profesional mendadak dengan perut membuncit karena cacing-cacing di dalamnya nggak bisa beradaptasi disini )x

jadi inget waktu beli larutan cap kaki tiga di alfa mart -.- udah semangat 45 menguras isi perut, eh, di kantong belanjaan malah nggak nampak keberadaan kaleng merah rasa strawberry itu. mendadak sebel sama mas kasirnya. nggak ada nota pula. arggggh..

maka akurlah ikan, ayam, dan sapi di perutku malam itu )x

besoknya mampir lagi di alfa mart tanpa niat beli apa pun. cuma nganterin. eh, tiba2 ada yg bilang, "itu mbaknya yg kemaren ya?" dueng, "kemaren mau saya kejar mbaknya udah nggak ada.." tanpa memahami malunya aku, "kui dijupukke mbak e, sing abang, rasa stroberi, mbak e wes mbayar" duhhh.. waktu mau pulang, "mau diplastiki nggak, mbak?"

aneh lagi waktu ngobrol sama pak norman di ruangannya dari jam 9, tiba2 pak seno nylethuk, "aku nek diskusi sa'jam wes ta'kei wedangan".. wah, udah jam 11.15.. hahahaaa, sa'jam apaaa?? dua jam lebih kaliii'.. tapi pak norman masih bermuka cool, "aku lungguh sa'jam yo kesel." ccccape deeeee.. gara2 tragedi ini, setiap kali masuk ruangan dapet nasehat dari bapak-bapak yang laen, "mbak, kalo mau diskusi ambil kursi dulu, dia emang nggak berperasaaan.."
hahahaaaa..

nyenenginlah..
tapi rasa seneng itu bisa tiba-tiba ilang karena kalimat ini, "kalo besok senin gimana? apa besok sabtu?" arghhhh.. hahh, ini kalo aku sendirian, pasti udah nangis darah.. tambah kesel setelah tau cucian seminggu kemaren nggak nampak batang hidungnya jugaaaa... -______-

ya udahhh, aku tinggal mudik aja ahhh..
mudik terakhir.

dapet gambar keren waktu di kereta:



^^
*nggak penting. yo ben*

CO.MA.DI.S type C85

my mind is locked. my eyes are heavy. my head is spinning. and, yup! my mouth is starting to blab again and my hand has been already translating them into words.

the time is running. unstopable. and i'm stuck in the old Verda's body. no, i don't want the new one. i miss my ancient body. i miss my old-fashioned mind.

hahhh..
iki ngopo to?

tadi pagi terjebak di kereta tua yg bergoyang-goyang aduhai seperti penari telanjang di jalanan *sumpah, aku belum pernah ketemu penari seperti itu. dimana pun* terjebak juga di tengah-tengah para pria cuma bertemankan sms-sms sepanjang jalan jogja-solo. sempurna sudah telor dadar & sayur bening bercampur dengan asam lambungku, merasakan kehadiran migrain di sebagian otakku..

haha..
dengan adanya tulisan ini dapat dipastikan aku selamat sampai kota ini (: untuk memulai kembali penyusunan protokol validasi tube filling machine CO.MA.DI.S type C-85 *and wondering maybe one day somebody from that company will be directed to my page searching for the machine* hehe.. & tentu saja merasani si bapak qx

& bosan.

roda

hidup itu bukan roda. hidup nggak bisa membawaku ke tempat yang aku mau seperti apa yang telah motorku lakukan untukku.

i'm jealous of everything i see today. the combination of moon and star. the song that i sing terribly. the friendship. the call. the conversation between two lovers in love. everything.

i would say that i was in lowest ground for now if i refused to see that i'd done the document control. i'd done what mr. edy asked me to. i'd done what my mom asked me to. i'd done to make a smile on my sister's face.

i know, it won't be last forever qx
i'm inconsistent
i'm so fragile and broke so easily without that hand..

lost in jogja

a glance about that city,
it is a city that successfully forced me to take bath twice a day. really hot and sweating, including during the morning and evening. oddly enough, when i try to keep the blanket away from me, my room mates drew the covers instead and i saw them sweating.
*i do not believe it*

and this week, i only spent 4 nights on that city. heheheee.. but i had to take four bundle home jobs to be done as soon as possible T____T

and when the morning comes, and i had to take a bath before 5 am, the water is warm T____T oh, what's wrong with the city??
panas e full!!! jacket and blanket are totally useless, except the lusuh-coloured-jacket of my college qx

hahahaaa...
back to the title..

yes..
i lost in jogja. in the airport actually, and was tricked by a taxi driver PLUS my phone left on that damn taxi, and i lost 125000 rupiahs for a silly trip today, for receiving bad treatment ),x but today is a happy ending ^^

little sarjana

i miss the little pieces of my unfinished puzzle and i'm trying to come to restart to finish my unfinished puzzle before it turns into pieces again >____< masih adakah bentukmu, puzzle-ku? aku kangen q,x



well, i'm on my hometown now after a week having never ending class on a pharmaceutical laboratories in a city near my hometown. it's my second night actually. and i'll be back there on monday dawn by pramex )x *ugh, i really hate to say that i love my jogja very much, and people in it, and him of course! hahahaaa..*

yupz..
my brain has gone qx
i can not thinking anything i need to think. about the puzzle, especially. where are you, my brain?

hmmm..
a week in a hot and sweaty city remind me of my old writings about leaving jogja. i grow up (or just grow old? at least i'm changed!), and i have been being a sarjana for now. a little sarjana who tries to live in a trial wild world. i still got nothing about this life yet though, but believe me, i'm a little bit expert about water systems and HVAC more than before, hehehee.. the only class my brain could follow while my eyes were so uncontrolled. and i'm almost ready to face the comprehensive test about all this *censored* things! just several days to go. but i hate to know that the comprehensive test will be done more than 3 months later, months after i do things in the pharmacy. ugh.. how if there was a big eraser erasing my memories about thousands things i'd heard, seen, and done in the hot and sweaty city? how if there was a big stone hitting my head and i got amnesia? -____-

and, ohh..
my last tests are BAD >___<


ohhh..
hahahahahaaaa..
i admit, i write this stupid things disambi ngelakuin hal yang lain qx then i found a big stone, but not big enough to wake me from my indescribable thing in my indescribable place:

PS : Now I know why you love to saying "My -Never stop thinking too hard- brain". That's because you like to think every detail around you.
Aku rasa kamu udah tahu apa aja kelemahan dan kelebihan dari berpikir hal-hal detil dengan begitu seringnya.
Kelebihannya kamu lebih baik dalam menganalisa suatu masalah, kamu pasti lebih terarah dalam mengatur masa depanmu. Tapi sayangnya karena kebanyakan mikir pasti kamu jadi malesan (karena ada aja alasan yang dipikirin, kalo nggak "Just do it" atau pas lagi gak kepepet pasti nggak terlaksana), perfeksionis (bagus apa jelek ya?), kurang berani dalam menyatakan pendapat di depan umum (Kecuali di blog ini), punya penyakit sering menggerutu bahkan dalam setiap hal sepele yang kamu temui (digabungin dengan emosi cewe lagi, jadi gawat nih).
Berhati-hatilah dalam banyak berpikir, karena bisa membantumu dalam mencapai cita-citamu tapi juga bisa menghambatmu.

BTW I like the way you think, just keep yourself open-minded okay.

i forget about this. i even forget about everything..

keturunan arab?

hari ini, habis meeting pkl di lobby kampus, makan berdua di warung yang disana itu (ya disanalahhh..) trus benerin helm di kota baru, lanjut ke salon sendiri (x

udah lama pingin creambath, sejak sebelum ujian sampe punya rencana untuk mencuri-curi waktu ditengah-tengah ujian, tapi gagal teruss, entah hujan, entah panggilan dari pak edi, entah ketiduran, entah kecapekan belajar (????) macem-macemlah pokoknya, akhirnya kesampean juga hari ini (:

salon itu dipikir-pikir tempat yang menarik. salon kecil, tempatnya di pinggir jalan mau pulang ke rumah, di deketnya ada sawah & di depannya ada warung mie ayam bakso.. salon sederhana, nggak begitu besar, nggak ada AC, nggak ada air anget.. tapi kalo lagi rame ya rame banget..

tapi tadi sepi..
waktu aku dateng cuma ada dua ibu-ibu. jadi ya langsung deh aku dikeramasin. asiiiiiknyaaaa.. dipijetiiin qx kayak semua beban sebulan lalu pergi.. ahahahahaa.. lebay.

biasanya aku cuek aja disana, manut sama mbaknya disuruh gimana.. tapi embak yang ngeramasin aku, bikin aku inget sesuatu qx

aku merhatiin si embak banget, walopun kadang-kadang keasyikan baca majalah.. dari waktu si embak tanya apa aku dari kampus yang aku jawab sekedarnya kalo hari ini hari libur, waktu ngomentarin pilekku, mijetinnya kurang keras apa kekerasen, sampe waktu dia tanya, "mbak keturunan arab ya?" qx & kaget waktu aku bilang aku ini keturunan jogja-solo, cerita kalo tadi dia juga baca artikel yang baru aku baca, bilang kalo valentine bentar lagi (hadohh, hari gini masih jaman ya valentine-an???) dari sana, rasanya aku pingin belajar (x bukan belajar jadi tukang salon apa jadi orang arab.. tapi jadi kayak si embak pake resep yang aku dapet kemaren:

R/ liat mata orang 1 detik
senyum qs
s. pro semua orang

dari satu aku jadi inget satu kekuranganku qx nggak punya pengatur volume & selalu otomatis mengalihkan pandangan.

ya yaaaa..
aku mau belajar ^^

trus gara-gara si embak bikin panjang daftar orang-orang yang bilang aku ini keturunan arab, hari ini aku curiga lagi, jangan-jangan aku ini anak pungut. sore tadi ada telpon, aku yang angkat, "haloo?"
"dek rina?" tanya seseorang disana yang kuidentifikasikan sebagai budhe
"verda, budhe.."
"oh, suaranya kok mirip.. bapak ada?"
"bentar bude.."

fiuhhhh..

when there's no shoulder to lean on

i'm not sad because of what you did. i deserved that anyway.
i'm sad just because maybe.. umm..



mungkin caraku melihat dan merasa memang berbeda. memberikan stimulus yang berbeda pada caraku berpikir dan mengolah semua yang aku lihat dan yang aku rasa. hey, tapi ini aku..

aku berharap aku bisa meluapkan semua dengan ringan. tapi kurasa, aku akan menyimpan semuanya saja. sendiri (:

it makes me sad to think about it.

The Pursuit of Happiness is The Pursuit of Good Health

tumben..
tiba-tiba kangen nulis qx

hmm.. apa ya? duhh..

tadi pagi jam empatan, dibangunin fogging. masih heran juga, emang fogging masih efektif ya? lha wong waktu jamannya ujian kemaren udah sempet di fogging, masih ada kecoak lewat di depanku & malemnya masih aja ada nyamuk nging-nging di telingaku.. eh, lha kok tadi yang di fogging cuma depan rumah aja.. nha ini, kakiku udah bentol2.. -__- piye to? embuhlahh.. tapi jadinya bisa nerusin meluk guling karena asepnya nggak sampe kamar q: nggak bisa lama2 sie, jam 9 harus udah ada di kampus soalnya, pembekalan PKPA euyy.. deg2an mau nyambi kerja dimana, sama siapa.. tapi sempet masak dulu lhoo.. ^^ besok2 pasti ada yang kangen sama masakanku soalnyaaa.. hweheheheee..

berharap banget dapet temen kerja yang enak&nggenah, tapi takut juga kalo aku ini dianggep nggak enak & nggak nggenah.. ahaiii.. semangat lha yaaa.. o.O berharap juga industrinya dapet tempat yang jauh dari jogja, biar bisa ngekos, biar belajar mandiri gituuu.. *gaya* kalo bisa sie yang di daerah barat barat gituu, hweheheheee.. -_-u

so. jam 9 kurang udah sampe kampus & ndengerin dengan khusyuk pembekalan PKPA. hahahaaa.. nggak tau niii, takut euy.. deg2an, panas dingin sampe diece-ece sama adhyat.. eh, lha kok pak nanang bilangnya gara2 ada 4 orang belum dapet tempat PKPA, pengumumannya mau ditempel besok senin. haduhhh..

yasudahh..
habis pembekalan, jajan pisang goreng & dua tahu bakso di koperasi sambil ngobrol sama adhyat & napi, tiba2 pyongi dateng & bilang, "aku apoteknya sama kamuuu.."

ha?

ternyata pengumumannya udah ditempel katanya. katanya aku pkpa di apotek dulu. katanya pkpa apoteknya bareng pyongi. katanya pyongi dapet tempat pkpa industri berdua sama diah. katanya.. katanyaa..

wuaduhhh..

langsung cabut deh ke lobi unit 4 ninggalin tas & jaket zebra ungu di koperasi dijagain sama adhyat, tu anak kayanya nggak begitu deg2an sama pengumuman itu, lah wong dia minta PKPA di apotek dulu og, baru bantu proyeknya bu sis lagi gituuu.. *nyambung nggak sih?* -___- di jalan ketemu diah yang langsung pelukan sama pyongi, ceritanya jadi temen senasib sepenanggungan kali ya? qx heheheee..

& sampailah saya di depan papan pengumuman lobi unit 4. udah kayak antre sembako aja disana.. *lebay, nggak segitunyaa* kucari namaku di kertas pengumuman itu.. jreng.. jreng.. pyongi nlindurrrr!!!!

dapet di industri dulu ternyataaa..
di Konimex.



duhhh..

seneng?
nggak tauuu..

aku pingin jadi anak kos. eh,lha kok di konimex..
bapak bilang, "di tempat budhe aja, cuma 2 km." emooohhhh!!!!!

saya bertekad jadi anak kos. tempat budhe boleh jadi tempat suplai makanan. *lha?*

jadi begituuu akhirnya..



saya dapet tempat PKPA di Konimex Solo & PKPA mulai tanggal 8 Februari bareng prima, sista & wahyudi. dilanjutkan PKPA di Apotek Puji Waras. dimana gerqangan itu?? ada yang bilang di jakal, ada yang bilang di lempuyangan, ada yang bilang di terban. lha, manaa??

ternyat oh ternyata..
di terban. semua sama2 kembali ke asal. ke solo & terban.
mari semangat.

btw, adhyat dapet di Apotek Sewon sama adit (PKPA industri di Berlico) & dung2 (PKPA industri di Dexa), adit bilang dikutip dari sms dung2, "g ada ceweknya, apoteknya bisa bubar.."
*kira-kira seperti itu..*
kalo industrinya dapet di Phapros Semarang sama fithrul. sama-sama jawa tengah, tapi dimensi waktunya beda -___- dipikir2 baru kali ini, anak cowok yang satu itu dikelilingi sama cowok-cowok (x baguslahh..

& aku..
masih gelooo, nggak mari-marii, sampe sekarang..
masih pingin jadi anak kos.
bubar sudah impian sayaaa.. )x

trus.. trus..
cari informasi temen2 dapet dimana..
pima & nuning di sandoz
ocha, arum, novi di aventis
yana di somewhere (lupa, apa ya?), di solo juga (kita berenam besok kayaknyaaa..)
pyongi & diah di sydna
yani di Berlico bareng preman-preman (napi, adit, jimmy.. ya Allah, jaga yaniii..)
dll, silahkan liat pengumaman di lobi unit 4 untuk detailnya. yup.. yup.. kalo apotek sih, pasrah ajaaa.. di jogja iniii.. >_<

habis juma'atan, pengumuman nilai ujian 1 -__- duhh. hari ini pokoknya nggak habis-habis deh deg2annyaa.. tapi ya lumayanlahh, etika dapet B & farmakokinetika klinik dapet A. sip.. sip.. sejauh ini. nggak tau besoknya gimanaa.. tapi kok pada mau ngulang etika ya? duh duh.. ikut2an jadinya.. tebak2 berhadiah, kata adhyat..

so.. so..
hari-hari takikardi di kampus diakhiri dengan ditinggal maen ke pantai. pengen ikuuut >_< tapi kok nggak sreg yaa, padahal ijin ibu udah dapet lhoo.. tapi ya sudahlah.. mari pulang..

begitulah..
dan saya pun bertanya2, produk konimex itu apa aja ya? hwehehehee..
nihhh yang aku kenal: feminax, inzana, termorex, neo napacin, anakonidin, kalibex, konidin, termorex, paramex, braito, konicare, fungiderm, protecal.. & ini yang mudah2an bisa menaikkan berat badanku: frozz, hexos, nano-nano (sakit gigi malahan ya?), chocomania, pedro festival (yang mana ya? familier tapi kok lupaa), & tini wini biti.. ^^

ngomong-ngomong tentang gigi, kapan ya aku operasi gigi? ujian 2 udah didepan mata. habis ujian 2 langsung PKPA..
-_-

hahahahaaa..
hidup bahagia ^^

semangat verda, sayaaang...
semangat teman2.. ^^