Ultimate happiness

Happiness is a state of mind. You can be happy whenever you want in spite of the harsh day. You can even be unhappy in a lovey-dovey day. If you want to be happy, be. If you want to be unhappy, be. We are responsible for our happiness. Although, sometimes, life is not that simple and we need to pretend that we are happy, or to hide our happiness.

I was born and raised in a country where it is totally OK to have a maid. It was OK if I did not wash my own clothes or left my dirty plate on the table and went outside to play.

Based on the background, I understand if some people think that I am lazy. I admit that I am not good at keeping the house clean. I also realise that I would face some difficulties in my marriage life because I am a little bit conventional by not wanting a maid in my house. Well, I do face some difficulties after I got married as I live abroad only with my husband in a cliche economical condition. I have to do the house chores by myself. It is not easy. I hate to iron the clothes for the most. I hate to clean the toilet more. I hate to cook at first, but then I enjoy it. Cooking is fun until I have to clean up the mess which I also hate. A stack of dirty cooking utensils is a nightmare. So, I don't know how to describe how happy I can be every time I find a clean sink in my kitchen after I got home from work because I choose to wash the dirty frying pan and friends in the morning or because I directly clean up the mess after I made it.

A clean sink is my current ultimate happiness.

Dark and safe and sound

It turns out I am getting more private and private.
I locked my Twitter and Instagram accounts. I neglected my Path. I used my Facebook for sharing interesting things privately. I deleted all unrelated posts on my google plus.

No more spotlight.

A young lady with grey hair

I suffer from hair loss almost for my entire adult life and I don't know why. I know that it relates to the stress level, but I don't know whether I have my hair loss because I am stress, or I am stress because I have my hair loss. It is the modern form of chicken-and-egg.

I will have a huge amount of dying hair whenever I comb my hair and when I shampoo, sometimes it clogs the drainage pipe.

However, as the time goes by, I have been through the unstoppable years with all those ups and downs, and I notice that I have grey hair. It makes me sad more than ever, and I really want to have that Kiwi hair cream to treat my hair.

One thing that I cannot understand, if the grey hair is the old hair -as it's widely known to easily characterise the elderly, it should be weak, right? (or it isn't???)

Then why there is no single grey hair in my comb or drainage pipe?

Sad Ramadan

Ramadan, 2016.
Today is the last day of Ramadan in this year. And I feel sad.

It is my second Ramadan far from home. And I feel very lonely.
No family gathering. No Takbir.

And I think I failed in this Ramadan, the failure is real until I have no courage to ensure myself that I was doing good.

The Debbie Downer in the heart. The tangled thread. The fishbone. The anger I could not handle. The disappointment towards everything.

I am sad.

And it is a sad Ramadan.