or it should be

oh, okeyyy..

today is my friends' wedding and in the same time it's a reunion time.. or it should be.

because i still live in jogja, when i see my friends in the lobby of my campus it would be just an ordinary scenery for me. ah, i don't know. maybe, because they are all the same (: the same face, the same smile, the same laugh, the same voice, the same body, just the way they were, with some differences, because of the time. though it's been a very long time i didn't meet some of them.

and seeing the brides, i just realize that's the phase of life (:

does it mean i'm bad, because i wasn't excited to meet them? or just missing them?

oh, no no..
i am really excited to meet them. i just feel a different euphoria when i met my friends in jakarta last christmas.

ah, i don't know..
but for me, i really do love the moments like today ^^ met friends, traveled outside the town, lost in hinterland, saw beautiful and handsome brides, and run with the time to catch the train and plane. that was just too awesome to forget. and for your information, one of my friend had lost her train -___-

pathetic thoughts are cool

what's the purpose of announcing the badness of people around you? to criticizing people?

when someone is criticizing you, will you get mad and build your self defense? maybe they're building it too now. and the wall between you and them are getting higher, and you can't see them anymore..

and how can they see you? you can only scream to each other behind the wall. you can't show them how much you care, and you can't see how much they care..

building a wall by saying they're wrong and you're right.. buhh..

that's not the point, my friend. and that's none of my business. i just want to slap your face, my friend..

how can a little mistake be a huge mistake because people think how bad people-you-are-talking-about?

maybe you don't mind if i think you're a dumb because your boy/girlfriend explicitly show it. but i do. i don't want people think about how bad my boyfriend is and how desperate i am to have him in my life, if it happened.

that was the main reason why i changed the way i show my mind in this blog. i used to feel very tortured if he did something i didn't want him to do or he didn't do something i thought he should do. then i feel that i was very pathetic, and showed to the world how pathetic i was by telling how bad he was without remembering how good he was. it was because i wrote a bad side of my life more than how good my life treat me. because actually, for me, pathetic thoughts are cool. hehe.. and it will always be. i love pathetic thought, because it really sounds good for me. and it makes me think about my life deeper. and somehow, when it's about anger, i can feel better.

but people just don't know that i do have beautiful days, beautiful thoughts, beautiful moments. because i rarely write about them. and, maybe, people then got misunderstanding, and thought that my life was very sorrowful. then, once, someone tried to fix it -___- haha! that was funny actually. i needed to re-fix little things, of course, but the rest made me think about how bad i was by announcing bad sides of people. then i thank you (:

but verda is verda, i still love pathetic thought and still love to write about what i feel. i don't care what people thought about my life, but i won't let them think about something bad about people around me (:

maybe, it will be implicitly. because i know, sometimes i can be under control. haha!

the residual strength

oke, another problem. and i don't want to talk about it here, there, or everywhere. but, i'm sure, it will bother me and my days in the following days. oh, God. what i've got is hard enough for me. and you want to give a new burden in my shoulder? T___T

of course it's really ok, my life is yours, as long as you don't take away the residual strength that i have. and i know, you won't, you even will give a multiple extra strength to me.

but if i may wish. let me with my residual strength. and don't add more burden. amen. it's been a long time i didn't do exercise.

the doomsday is about to come

this world has many heads. and it's so amazing (x some are funny. some are abrasive. some are sensitive. some are paying no attention. some are wise. some are ridiculous.

so many things to say about one thing.

today's bomb attracts various reactions. some are having pity on the victims. some are criticizing how the victims act like a naked gegana team. some are cursing the bomb sender. some are (still) mocking the media. some are (still) watching the soap opera.

me?
i was watching soap opera when a message came to tell me about the bomb and how it almost killed the naked gegana, then i continued watching soap opera while my hand were busy too to search the online news.

how if i simply said the naked gegana team should use their panoply gown before saving the world?

but these criminality and the disasters are so devastating. maybe it's true, that the doomsday is about to come. year 2012 is next year and i haven't married yet T___T

this world has thousands heads

umm..
i don't know since when i'm afraid to give an opinion and i'm too afraid to join in a debate to get a denial or rejection to make me feel so guilty to what i've said or i've thought. i'm afraid to play with words and make some friction with others. yep! i'm glad i have my own opinion about an issue or something, but i think i've lost my ability to stay cool in a debate and to show my mind without making any friction. then i choose to be silent.

i'm not as smart as i used to be in a very long time a go. i used to enjoy a debate with friends. but nowadays people have a bigger self defence and will be more emotional and reactive to some other people who don't suit to what they think is right. i hate to be democratic, i sometimes get out of control to speak up my mind to an issue but i'm just too afraid to get a reactive feedback. hehe..

it happened to me twice. i was just commenting about something but they reacted like i was saying something very wrong and they just got upset to me. errr.. i think i'm being more sensitive..

but, hello..

if you can't accept the fact that this world has thousands heads, think twice about something you want to say, people doesn't always say yes to what you think. you even don't always say yes to what people think, then why are you bothered?

and, hey, verda!
shut up! *kriiik..

ugh, i just wish people have a smart way of speaking. yeah, it's a self note for my self too. i love sharing brains. eh?

but too bad, i think people hate to talk to me -___- sampe kadang-kadang saya mati gaya. haha.. lupakan.

unidentified routinities

i've lost so much. tired of being jealous and envy and ungrateful. no way to fix it. and there's no way back. got to make a new move soon. but.. (:

anyway..
at least time never stop running and tomorrow will come.

hahhh..
these unidentified routinities ('geje' routinities) aren't finished yet. and i'm bored with this traffic. sigh.

my never-be-neat wretched brain

well, another boring day T__T
i had to wait 3 hours just to know the teacher was absent. sigh..
piye iki?? ra cetho.

anyway..
sometimes i really want to tell the world about everything in my head or in my heart, like i used to do years a go. at least just to prevent my never-be-neat wretched brain from becoming more wretched. to describe every single piece in the corner of my brain. every tiny unimportant thing.

but even though this is my page, this my brain and this is my heart, but my life isn't only mine.. =3 and oddly, i'm happy with that =D because, yeah, because i don't need to tell everything.. xD

oh, maybe i just need to make a new personal page later. anonymously. haha..