Also empty

Oh, My God!
I never know that my style to see the world can effect my mood. Hahah.

At first, I was in the mood to write down a story about the invisible red carpet and how the crowd gave me a vacant street during the orchestra of the birds in my head.

But I reread the old stories, then the flowery visualisation turned into greyscale. Meh.

So, hello, Old-Verda!

Call me ungrateful, or any word you like.
But, I feel so horrible these recent days. No, I'm not talking about my endless job. I'm talking about my head, the one I called with, if I'm not mistaken, the never-stop-thinking-too-hard brain.

I used my brain excessively to think about, I don't even know the exact word to describe this, "nothingness" perhaps? But it's full, and overload - but it's also empty.

To make it short and simple:
I'm in doubt. About myself.
I'm happy, but I don't feel like I deserve it.


Oh, please help me!

I wish I was comprehended. I wish I comprehended.

Yes. You know I'm happy when I write less.

This time I'm not happy. I don't like the compulsion to choose the options provided in front of me. I don't even like the fact that I couldn't have it all, moreover the fact that I have to sacrifice. I even hate the way other people around me do sacrificing.

I'm stressed. There, I said it.

I hate to put down this dignity. I hate to wave goodbye to my passions.
I wish I was comprehended.
I wish I comprehended.

That sometimes, something was made not to be comprehended at all -which I really comprehend.

I. Prelude

prel·ude

ˈprelˌ(y)o͞od,ˈprāˌl(y)o͞od/

noun

1. 1.

   an action or event serving as an introduction to something more important.

   synonyms:

   preliminary, overture, opening, preparation, introduction, start,commencement, beginning, lead-in, precursor

June 18th, 2013
The 3rd International Conference On Pharmacy and Advanced Pharmaceutical Sciences
Symposia I: Pharmaceutical and Science Technology
Mataram I Sheraton Mustika Yogyakarta Resort and Spa

A simple hello at the prelude of the conference, if I'm not mistaken. My simple hello to keep myself polite. A basi ordinary basa-basi to welcome an old-unfamiliar-acquaintance who left the country for a certain time. This was one of the basa-basi I used to do, because I didn't remember his answer. I even didn't remember whether we had a next talk or not.

Then,
he was talking to his female friend while I talked with mine in the same room at lunch time. There was a little time when we talked about the old time, his study, my work (maybe), etc, etc. Then I left.

On the next day, I only went to the hotel to attend the symposium, maybe until 11 am. Then I had to leave, and I saw him (maybe, maybe not) watching over me when I was approaching my black car. That was it and I never went back to the hotel.

I should've guessed that we would never meet again. But I did not, I did not even think about the probability to have a next meeting, not even once.

June 20th, 2013
"bisa bagi nomer telpon?"